Guest Post

When you have a platform for your voice, it is important to use it at times when most would simply stay silent. This blog is an excellent platform to bring awareness to issues in the LS community. Everyone is typically focused on when the next big party is, or where they can capture their unicorn. Unfortunately, with many of these Facebook groups, there are admins who feel they know better than you how things should be. They want to “protect” you. Well, mostly just their friends. We understand it is, “their” group. However, much like this blog, when it’s open to so many, it becomes a platform for like-minded individuals. For all to feel heard, and equally protected, the rules must be equally applied.

We may share this world of non-monogamy, but for many, that’s where it ends. The deep-seeded beliefs and prejudiced behaviors that plague our world can leak into our “accepting” community. Often right in your face from people you thought saw the world at least a little more as you. Whether it’s slut-shaming women for not behaving the way you would, excluding bi-men, or publicly shaming individuals for petty grievances, it leaves a bad taste, and a trail of individuals left fighting to preserve their character. We as a community are better than this. Admins are not dictators.

Today’s Guest post comes from an individual who has grown tired of controlling, and hate filled unfair actions all too often displayed by a few. Hopefully, we can all learn something from her, have these conversations, and find ways to be more inclusive and empathetic to everyone around us.

Dog Whistles

Guest post by Vikki

Words have power. 

Words levied by those who have power, against those who don’t, have a special kind of power. 

And when those disempowered people are already fighting centuries of stereotypes, systemic oppression, and white fear (as is the case with the black community), words can actually be dangerous, even deadly. 

We easily recognize some of these words: thug, gangster, hood, ghetto, pimp, and the ubiquitous N-word. Most white people who aren’t out-and-proud racists strive to conscientiously avoid these words. We know they are offensive, hateful, and dangerous. These are words that we hope will die out entirely from the vernacular of white people with our grandparents and parents. 

Unfortunately, such words becoming verboten is outpacing the actual erasure of bias, both explicit and implicit. And where bias exists, language adapts. 

New words are replacing these old terms, and this new language is insidious. Those perpetuating these new words are often unaware or in denial of their own biases and cannot see the harm of their word choices. 

These are dog whistle words, and they are uniquely powerful. 

I am a white woman who adores words. I wield words like a sculptor wields clay, writing both poetry and prose, and I take pride in my gift. I choose my words carefully – I say what I mean, usually eloquently. I say this to illustrate how very hard it is for me to accept that my words don’t always mean only what I intend them to mean. I have been humbled time and again over the years by my two black male partners. They have spent an enormous amount of emotional labor teaching me about seemingly innocuous words that become offensive and dangerous under certain circumstances. I know I am not racist, and they know it as well, but being “not racist” is not enough. Well-intended allies can and do inadvertently harm those they wish to support, either directly or by their ignorant silence. It is incumbent upon us to listen when those who are aggrieved by our actions speak: listen actively, without pride or defensiveness, with a mindful willingness to do better. Fortunately, my desire to do better is ultimately stronger than my desire to be right, and I have been able to learn so much from the men I love.

After downing more than a few servings of humble pie, I understand, and want to share with the white community, that dog whistle words are everywhere. These are words that surreptitiously play to both conscious and subconscious tropes, biases, and fears about black people that remain deeply entrenched in white society – so deep that we often have no idea they persist. Discovering them is a humiliating process for anyone who considers themselves to be an ally, but it is an essential step in the constant quest for improvement.

Take, for example, words like “aggressive,” “hostile,” or “pushy.” These words capitalize on the “Angry Black Man” stereotype, which has triggered fear in white people for centuries. An angry black man is seen as a dangerous thing – far more dangerous than an angry white man. The society we live in today in the US was built, and continues to be shored up, with the goal of keeping him contained. He could be dealt with swiftly and harshly, or shunned altogether, but he must be disempowered. While my above example adjectives aren’t positive for anyone, for a black man attempting to overcome decades upon decades of oppression driven by white fear, such words can become a permanent scarlet letter. 

Or consider “arrogant,” which is the new “uppity:” both words which allude to the idea of a black person not “knowing their place” in white-dominant society. An intelligent, confident, vocal black man is just as scary as an angry one.

Consider, too, the nonverbal expectations that whites place on blacks. To be accepted in predominantly white spaces, a black person will fare much better if they are quiet, conservative in appearance, and smile a lot. This “code switching” behavior is modeled for, and taught to, all black people in the US, from birth, and so it is seen as “normal,” yet it is not the norm in black-dominant societies.

All of this sounds a lot like leftover expectations from the not-so-good old days, doesn’t it? 

Dog whistles and their ilk are damaging enough in mainstream society. But consider their impact in smaller communities, like the LS – a predominantly white space. The black community is disproportionately underrepresented in the LS, and its members are frequently fetishized by white women and couples. Black men, in particular, are commonly reduced to bucket list items or objects of pleasure, and are often seen through the lens of what they can offer, not who they are. Couples advertise that they are looking for “a BBC,” not “a black man with a big cock.”

Black bluefish are working against multiple negative perceptions: those that accompany being a black man, as already discussed, and those that go with being a bluefish, regardless of race. Insecurity is rampant in the LS, and bluefish are already handled with extreme caution, generally perceived at least as a slight threat to couples, most often by the man in a couple. A different dick is always risky; it could steal away a wife, ruin a marriage, or provide more pleasure to her than her partner’s. That’s some scary stuff. Now give that bluefish dark skin, confidence, and a big cock, and he just became exponentially more scary. He may very well now be viewed as a necessary threat to be managed, not a whole human with whom to collaborate or celebrate. 

Finally, combine this white male fear with generations of ingrained (often unconscious) dehumanization, and sprinkle in some of the dog whistles mentioned. When you are already seen as subhuman, or a pleasure tool, and you become labeled as dangerous, people will be reluctant to look deeper into your humanity. It is far easier, and requires far less uncomfortable introspection, to replace a problematic BBC with another, more docile, less threatening BBC. 

I was recently banned from a LS group because one of my partners (a black man) questioned why another black man was being publicly named and shamed for violating a group rule about messaging/friend requesting without public consent. Yes, I know there are very strong opinions for and against, and it’s a dead horse that has been beaten beyond recognition, but that actually isn’t the issue. The Name and Shame post was a screenshot of this man’s personal profile, an explanation of the rule violated, and the phrase admonishing, verbatim, “Don’t be an (insert his name here).” Tacky? For sure. Juvenile? I thought so. But where I really took issue: dangerous.

My partner made several comments on the post. He was not questioning the consequences being levied (being banned from the group); rule breakers should receive agreed-upon appropriate consequences. He was questioning the idea of adding “naming and shaming” as a consequence, and asking whether all those who violated rules would be treated the same. He questioned the motive of public ridicule and branding of a man who could no longer see the post. My partner was subsequently banned himself, and then called “hostile” by the (white, male) admin, for requesting clarification of, and politely disagreeing with, his ban (screenshots exist). I then received a 30 day temporary ban for commenting that rule-breakers should be banned, but I was wanting to know whether this Name and Shame punishment would be applying to ALL rule-breakers, because despite the group existing for a few weeks, this was the first time it had happened. When I questioned my own ban, I was told it was for stirring drama, and for associating with my boyfriend.

Funny, neither myself nor my partner were named and shamed in the group for OUR rule violations. And at least one white man, who violated the same rule as the black man who was called out, has – to date – still not been named or shamed for his actions. One person was singled out, and that person was a well-known black bluefish. When another black bluefish questioned the actions of admin, he was labeled hostile, and banned. Coincidence? Maybe. But once you spot the pattern in the LS, and in certain groups, it’s really hard to unsee it.

I pointed out to the admin that his actions gave the appearance of being racially biased, and were being perceived as such by the black community. I did not call him a racist, but he immediately took offense saying I labeled him both racist and a bully. He went on a tirade about having black partners and family members, and everything he had done for the black community. I explained to him that again, I was not labeling him racist, only pointing out appearances, and that perception is what matters, regardless of intent. I told him that those who truly have the best interest of the black community at heart would not be defensive when told their actions might be perceived as racist. We can consider ourselves allies and still unknowingly behave in ways that are harmful to those we strive to support. He claimed he didn’t know the man he shamed was black (despite him being a very well-known, OG, black bluefish, with a black-sounding name, who posts regularly about black issues), and wished me the day I deserve.

A perhaps-not coincidental side note: my partner had already been denied membership in a sister group, after being labeled “aggressive,” “pushy,” and “unsafe,” by the admins – a white couple who do not know him. These accusations were based on the words of a nameless accuser stating that he behaved in these ways at one of the group’s parties. When he politely pointed out that he had NEVER ATTENDED any of this group’s parties, the admins didn’t care. I was also subsequently shunned from the group by proxy, despite having zero dealings with the couple.

I have been with my boyfriend for a year. My husband has known him for that long as well. We, and anyone who knows him, know him to be respectful, kind, and courteous. Unconventional? Yes – he is not from the US originally. He was not raised in a country where black people are taught from birth how to make themselves more palatable to the white majority. Regardless of his true character, these slanderous dog whistle words are now out there, attached to him, and are producing their predictable ripple effects.

IDGAF about those groups or being booted from them. People who know me, know my character. There are plenty of other LS groups with admins that are welcoming, willing to engage in constructive discourse, and whose vision aligns with my own. But this situation ripped the scab off a wound that, for my partners and those who look like them, never heals. As someone who loves them I can’t, in good conscience, stay silent.

Please be mindful of the words you use when describing or labeling those with less power than you. For white people, this is all other races. For men, this is all other genders. For heteros, this is all other sexualities. Be aware of the weight words can carry in the larger picture. Does the word that comes to mind cater to inflammatory stereotypes? Why is it the first word that comes to your mind? Does it perhaps indicate biases you may not know you have? Is it a word that has been used to oppress, belittle, devalue, dehumanize? Will it perpetuate harm upon the person it is used against? Will it stay with them like a scarlet letter?

Think twice before speaking or judging, and be on a mission of understanding, not victory at any cost. 

The LS is supposed to be a place of open minds and acceptance. We all could use a reminder, now and again, to check ourselves. We all have opportunities to be better.

The Great DM Debate Solved? (Compromise)

Sitting at my computer with a burnt finger from grabbing a spoon, so absent mindedly left on our hot stove. Feeling slightly stressed, anxious and, a bit stoned. Flicking through Facebook, thinking back on the week that was.

There was an incident early last week which caused my intentions to be questioned due to an ill-timed “inside”, that had a punch line really only known by a few. If you knew that the humor in the situation was more picking on myself than any group of people, you might just have chuckled along too.

Nonetheless, it was in poor taste. Occasionally, comedy misses the mark and leaves a bad taste. But, I know, this is only the beginning of opening up to a community I should have been a part of far longer than you could even comprehend.

Continuing to scroll I come to yet ANOTHER posts about, “unsolicited DM’s”.

If you’re in the LS these days, we know so much happens through Facebook. It brings the community to your home. You are always connected. Part of something. One of us.

The first time a bluefish makes his way into a group like this, they are like a kid in a candy store!

Settle down, brother. There is etiquette. It has to be difficult for a single guy in a community like this. Even more difficult is the male following a divorce within the community. Something I hope to never face, but can’t help feeling sadness for the way some relationships go south so quickly. We have stood on that edge ourselves, but somehow always pull each other back and hold on dearly to what we have created.

The Unicorn. Pretty much the polar opposite of the bluefish. She can nearly do no wrong in the eyes of these great gatekeepers of the Lifestyle community. Her word is bond. She may suggest the very same notion the single guy or in my case the polyamorous married one, and yet, the guy is the one who still gets banned from a group and labeled as unsafe.

Cringing at the whole situation, my thumbs are tense. Eagerly wanting to again voice my opinion on the “Nanny State” culture we are being forced to accept by some, simply to maintain being a part of the community.

Everyone is watching everyone else. Everyone sees who fails and who seems plentiful. It fuels jealousy, competition and hatred. Rumors spread like wildfire and an individuals reputation can be ripped to shreds in a click of a mouse.

These Facebook Groups do add value though. They are a necessary evil, as they bring us together. Allow us to build relationships and bonds. Family and friends at our fingertips.

Still staring at the post, trying to bite my tongue this time, not to engage in the same winless debate. Everyone just looks like an asshole in the end.

Instead, I pause.

It is time for a new tactic. None of us are getting anywhere with this argument and it is causing a break in a beautiful community.

My thoughts go to, why some feel it is so necessary to guard their inbox so fiercely?

There are some who equate an unsolicited message to rape or child molestation. This is a disgusting slap in the face to those who have actually faced these traumas.

At first, I think they are whiny brats who maybe weren’t hugged enough or something, but we’ve all had traumas. My frustrations are replaced with sympathy and sadness for whatever it is that caused some to feel so unsafe they aren’t able to deal with a random DM.

Scrolling past the message without even a like or comment several times, I ponder what could be done to help those feel safe without causing those who don’t share the same concerns to continue to feel free to message how they see fit.

Respecting something because it works for some, while still not agreeing with the way it is handled for all, is completely valid.

Many of us value our privacy. It is that simple. Of course, there will always be those who are rude and do not follow common decency. But there has to be a way that we can handle it in a less invasive manner.

I’m still unsure how sending a picture of your cock as an opening line is the best thing you could come up with. You actually think you have the magical penis she has been missing out on all these years? Does it at least come with tacos? Something about women and their tacos.

Besides the few bad apples, who may be easily weeded out, most of us have the best of intentions. We are hoping for connections and exciting experiences.

So how is COMPOMISE achieved?

My proposal could be used as a universal rule in just about all the groups. It will clearly let others know if your DMs are open to any who dare to enter, or closed, preferring others to ask in open forum for permission to send a message.

It would have to be something like a symbol everyone could see so it is very clear. This would give the choice to the individual and not the admins, who have far better things to do than hold our hands about using our private messages.

We all have a main profile page. It’s like your profile home page. What if there was a symbol system, we could use to let everyone know our personal preference?

Below you will see how you can add a mailbox emoji to your main page. We could each put up our preferred inbox.

If you place an open mailbox📭, this means you don’t mind others sending messages without prior approval and opt to handle your messages as you see fit. If you place the closed mailbox📪, you have expressed that prior approval is being requested before sending messages.

To do this for your own Facebook Profile, it is simple! Follow the directions below!

Start by switching to your main profile page, as shown here.

Click the button circled in red that says, “Edit profile”.

Once at the edit profile page, scroll down to, “Bio”.

Click on, “Edit Bio”.

This will bring you to a screen like the one shown next. You can fill this in with anything you would like. Including Emojis!📪📭

Locate the emoji, needed. In this case either the open mailbox 📭 or the closed mailbox 📪 Choose which suits your profile best and add it. This will allow anyone who is in the know to clearly see how you prefer your DMs to be handled.

An Open mailbox if you don’t mind random messages.

A closed mailbox for those who would prefer public approval.

Do not forget to save your work!

This will hopefully cut down on the weekly battles. Everyone is able to choose their preference. It makes it clear to everyone else. It will also make it very clear who has difficulty with boundaries. Admins do not get paid. They are not policing every moment and really have likely far better things to do with their time. With this in place, an admin may simply let anyone joining these groups know that it is their responsibility to set their preference.

If this catches on, it could alleviate one of the most common arguments we are currently have in these groups.

This community is welcoming, but lately the flood gates have opened. It seems many are somehow stumbling upon this world with no real insight, and they demand it is adjusted to fit their personal belief system what they should do is, observe and learn from others who have already been around for a long time. There is space for everyone to swing as they choose. We realize everyone is not at the same level. There is nothing wrong with having your own beliefs and boundaries, but when you force others to change theirs simply to suit you, then you cause nothing but drama which you all claim to not be a part of.

We hope this helps ease some tensions. We prefer to help the community we love rather that battle over it. These are not gangs. Some will be firm in their stance and that is ok. Perhaps they can create a no contact community, where they send memes and emojis in a forum style chat all day and never actually open themselves to direct interaction. That kind of group would also alleviate the need for the “Rule”.

Admins, we appreciate what you do, for the most part. There are some of you who run your group like a tyrannical fascist dictator, whilst calling those who are truly accepting of all, a bigot, or “privileged” based on little but the knowledge of their skin color and assumed gender. These people should be challenged for their hypocrisies.

We now have men being put on display in groups for simply sending a message. This creates so much unnecessary drama. There are also situations with men being slandered for not being able to perform or a couple not handling a situation perfectly attacked with screen shots of their pictures or conversations. It’s disgusting.

As Mizzy Bender so perfectly said it in her morning talk, “Do Better”!

Check out that conversation in the link below, that was perfectly timed with the quarrels we’ve been seeing locally. Be sure to check out her website, including the Mizzy Bender Shows, and Mind Bender Parties. Seems like an amazing amount of entertainment, and to us, an inspiration in the community!

https://fb.watch/fH7rSe2hGo/

If you have suggestions, or there are other things in the Lifestyle Community you are unhappy with, please share those thoughts with us. Perhaps we will address other issues in the future.

Recording and editing for the podcast is still underway. With our busy schedule, there is only time to work on it briefly, but “So Authentic” the podcast will be released this year as promised! If you have a unique story of a how you live Authentic, please share it with us. It does not have to be necessarily in the world of non-monogamy. If you have a business that in some way helps the community, then please share that as well!

We all want to be a part of this amazing thing we’ve found. Let’s all find ways to not only safely grow, but better our community. Be kind to each other. For those of you who are new to the community, perhaps observe a bit? There are many who are showing up, thinking it’s a sex fest free for all. There is etiquette. Give more than you take. Remember, this is about living freely non-monogamous. If you just came to party with naked women, you could simply go to a strip club. You do not belong at an LS party.

Should you have any questions or comments, do not hesitate to reach out. Swinopenmo@gmail.com

Thank you so much for reading! Have a sexy ass weekend!

National Swingers Weekend 2021

Boobs, banners, body tape, and a whole lot-a booty! This long-awaited trip to “Sin City” was finally upon us! We aren’t talking about Vegas!

In an unsuspecting lakeside hotel/resort, right in the heart of the US of A, at Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri! For us, a short three-hour road trip away from the suburbs, through country roads, farmland and forest to Osage Beach, MO.

“They said, “yes”, when everyone else said, “no”!”

This message was relayed to us just days prior to the adventure that would end up being a highlight of our summer in 2021.

So much anticipation was built in the weeks, no, months leading up to the trip. We dodged illnesses from our kids, determined not to allow a cold or worse destroy our chance to get away, four whole days! It is a rare occurrence that Lily and I can get an overnight, let alone a long weekend, but here we were, on the precipice of a weekend that would surely leave us with stories for the ages.

Once again with one of our favorite Midwest party squads, LifeinStyle STL! Rockin’ out with all the panda sluts and lots of hot sexy libertines ready to party like it was spring break Daytona Beach in the 90s!

Let’s take a stroll down memory lane, as we describe our point of view of just the first day of this adventure packed weekend.

Upon arrival, we stepped through the doors and were greeted by a gentleman who always seemed delighted to see us. He held the door as we passed into a world most will never see. A world where people are free to explore their sexuality without ridicule. A place where you are encouraged to be open to all your wildest desires and lustful intentions. Surrounded by like-minded individuals from some 20 different states, with no children asking for orange juice or fighting us at bedtime. Just Lily and I, determined to reconnect and let loose!

Passing through the lobby, we came upon a table filled with what appeared to be various rolls of tape. Every color and pattern you can think of! Next to the dispensers were binders filled with photos of beautiful women with amazing artistically designed bikinis and dazzling intricate outfits all created using the tape.

Johnny Mack spent hours creating masterful designs on many of the couples who were there that weekend. He did get his own party time in as well! All the way in from Vegas, Johnny Mack with Sinful Designs Body Art was quite the sticky sensation.

To the right of their booth, there was a short set of stairs, to the left, a ramp. We failed to notice the ramp when carrying in our luggage. Also, did not make use of several carts they had available, but that’s not the important stuff.

We headed toward the stairs and into a warm welcoming from Vinny and Sabinne. If you’ve read previous entries, you may recall them. They are the creators and visionaries behind these extravagant events put on by LifeinStyle. They never fail to bring the party and extravagance to their attendees.

Have a look back at our first swingers party ever, LifeinSTyle Hotel Takeover Part 1

Vinny approached me carrying a super soaker. Pointing it as if he were Tony Montana. He offered shots to us both, which Lily declined with a giggle, but I was happy to oblige and get the party underway! He pulled the trigger on the gun and fired a stream of some sort of vodka mix into my mouth, though most went down my shirt. It was the perfect start to the kind of weekend we were about to be a part of.

We continued down the short flight of stairs to a table where we were handed t-shirts, some stickers, and a wristband we were to wear the entire weekend. We were warned not to lose them. The shirts looked great but were a bit on the small side which they did warn us about. Though, perhaps the guy handing out the shirts should have been in charge of the wrist bands. He handed Lily a medium stating that if it were too small, she could exchange it. Of course, she was lucky to get one boob in the shirt, but surrounded by some of the sexiest people we have seen in the Midwest, there was no way she was going through the awkwardness of returning it. A good souvenir at least.

After receiving our goodies, we headed over to the hotel check-in desk where we received our room number, 142. . A short elevator ride down leading to a long walkway down the hall in the back of the hotel. Far from the party floor.

It wasn’t all bad though. We had a beautiful view of the lake from our balcony. Plus, staying off the party floor, allowed us to have a bit of quiet, which at times was needed. I know we sound like a couple of old people. Well, we’re not in our twenties anymore. That is for sure!

The hotel layout took a bit to learn. When we walked into the lobby, instead of being the first floor, we were actually on the 4^th floor. That was the main floor of the hotel where you’d find the lobby, restaurant and bar. We would have to get in the elevator and go down to our floor on one. Our floor was still busy however as the hot tub was just down the hall, as well as the exit that led to a mountain of stairs down to the pool area. The pool deck was complete with full bar, ran by a dude named, Flint. The same bar that, while originally writing this at breakfast our first morning there, I realized my debit card was left at.

All settled in our room.

Once we situated our room, it was time to find out where everyone was hanging out.  We were a bit nervous, knowing the caliber of sexy attendees we had seen already getting wild throughout the resort.

We hadn’t eaten since we had arrived at the hotel around 4pm, after getting settled, it was nearly dinner time. We agreed we would get food later, since it seemed everyone had already gone down to the pool, and we wanted to get the weekend started! We stopped off to grab a drink at the hotel bar, attempting to stick the request of patronizing the bars throughout the hotel more than the cooler full of beverages in our room. At least in the beginning.

We sat, had our drinks and discussed our hopes for the weekend. There was still so much to come and not even close to the final number of attendees had arrived. Many did not even join the party until Friday. At least one couple we met the last night, near the elevator, had come only for the final party. Which we ended up missing, funny enough. We will circle back to why that happened later.   

We wanted to go to the pool, but there was a “Room Crawl” to begin shortly, and we did not want to miss out. Going into it on an empty stomach was concerning, but we had very little time to get anything. We made a quick stop back at the room. Fortunately, we brought some room snacks. While not the most satisfying, we filled up a little on chips and beef jerky Then filled our tumblers and made our way to meet friends.

ROOM CRAWL

The Room Crawl, I badly wanted to be a part of, but had my hopes squashed quickly when Lily showed me our budget and how little time we had to prepare. It was fun meandering from room to room. There were several fun couples who decorated their spaces and really had some creative ideas!

Room #1 Seven Deadly Sins

The first room was by a couple we have met several times. They are always so friendly and both extremely sexy. Their room had an eeriness about it with the theme of “Seven Deadly Sins”. Many of these sins we would indulge in over the four days.

Their decorations were awesome! They went all out with skeletons, red lightening throughout the room, and fake rats. They offered airplane bottles of alcohol as shots. I grabbed a mini bottle of Jack. Lily passed as she was carrying her white claw still.

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Room #2 The Champagne Suite  

A couple we just met created a fun, relaxed, and chill environment. The beds were covered with soft, fuzzy blankets and the room had a lounge vibe to it. The blue lighting gave it a cool feel and the seemingly endless bottles of champagne gave a touch of class and elegance.

They created a fun little drinking game as well.

A basket filled with numbered ping pong balls in an array of colors glowed from backlights in the room. You had to shoot the ball into a garbage can. I can’t completely recall all the rules. I won though!

They also had this cool Champagne gun. I’d never seen something like it. The bottle loads on top like a ammunition clip. Then the gun is pointed toward a thirsty mouth, trigger pulled and a stream of bubbly is shot down the hatch! Fastest way to consume Champagne I’ve seen! We had a lot of fun in this room!

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Room #3

Stepping into the hall we scooted on towards the next room. A table lined the wall in the hallway. A Jager machine sat on the table with stacks of small plastic shot glasses stacked in front. We congregated in the hall to chat for a bit while we did shots then funneled into the room where the hosts had a fun toy to show off!

The motor bunny!

With several speeds and attachments, this little heavenly toy can give women the ride of their life. We did not get the chance to see it in action. I don’t think any of the women we were walking with were quite drunk enough yet for something of that caliber of exhibitionisms. We thank them for our drinks and continued on.

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Room #4 Sweet’s Suite

I honestly don’t recall the order, but this next room was occupied by an all-natural blonde bombshell with great big….

Um…

Eyes!

Hubby and she were dressed in hospital attire. This doctor/nurse combo was a fun couple to meet. Producer/Performer, Lisey Sweet and Mr. Sweet had created a fun little game of spin-to-win. The wheel stood on the table and tubes of shots awaited the outcome of the spin. A lucky participant would spin the wheel and take a shot from whatever part of Nurse Lisey the wheel landed on. My spin turned lucky when it landed on mouth! With high hopes of some deep tongue action, I stepped up, but she let the shot go once my mouth was on it. Awkwardly lingering too long probably, but I was feeling a buzz at this point.

On instagram @theliseysweet

Room #5 Taste of Mexico – The Swinging Sancho’s

The final room we saw was an homage to Mexico. The sexy couple who hosted this mini south of the border excursion, we had seen in quite a few posts in Facebook groups we are a part of, but don’t think we had ever met them in person until this event. Hubby wore a large sombrero and wifey was offering tequila. They were running out to checkout rooms for themselves, so we did not stay long. They have since created a pretty cool line of swinger jewelry you may want to check out!

Following the room crawl and feeling nicely buzzed, we finally made our way down to the pool. Now, when I say, “made our way down”, I mean

DOOOOOOOOOOWN

As in a wooden staircase that seemed to go on forever. The walk down wasn’t as awful as the return.

Once at the bottom of this mountain, we joined all the party people, both in and out of the pool. Across the pool built into the side of the hill was a bar that ran perpendicular to the hotel, with a walkway that continues down to the boat launch.

Many had already been drinking most of the day by this time and most women were topless, if not completely nude.

Still trying to drink from the hotel bars, we got ourselves another beverage. The bartender bore a striking resemblance to, Mike from Breaking bad and Better Call Saul. Later. We came to find out that he was an actor in his own right, having been in several tv shows and movies with bit parts and guest appearances here and there. Working the bar was his summer job. He did well for being on his own all weekend with a crazy group like us.

We took our drinks to the railing that overlooked the boat docks and out into the lake. The weather was perfect. The sun began to fall in the sky, creating a golden glittery hue to the water’s surface that stretched from one end of the lake to the other. 

Feeling the freedom of the moment I pulled out my one hitter and packed some delicious bud. Taking a couple hits as Lily slipped off her top, took a few selfies, then sauntered on towards the pool.

Most had drinks of their own stash or tumblers adorn with various décor of stickers or wristbands from other saucy adventures, filled with whatever concoction they came up with for the evening.

We slipped off our sandals and Lily lead the way as she gracefully glided into the pool and waded out a bit into the sexy gathering. There were a few familiar faces, and we met some new ones but overall, not a whole lot of people we knew well. Music was playing to keep the party vibe up. There was a buzz in the air as the weekend’s magic began to reveal itself. Greeting new friends with deep kisses became fairly normal. This was only a mild precursor to what was to come.

We spent about an hour or so at the pool as we mingled and took in the atmosphere. Every so often dodging a sexy blow-up doll, who had some adventures in her own right that weekend.  

Eventually we all began the trek back up the colossal climb. Getting out of the pool I realized someone had the exact same flip flops as me and they were right next to each other. They were even the same size. I tried to figure it out, but in the end, just threw on a pair and made my way out. So, my guy, in case you’re reading this, you may have swapped something other than your wife that weekend. Though, I guess swapping is what it was all about.

Still nursing a nice buzz made the task of hiking back somewhat bearable. Though we still made a few stops along the way as I puffed on a pre-rolled joint I picked up from a local dispensary before the trip.

Not wanting to end the evening, we stopped at the hot tub and joined a few other couples in the extra-large spa.

Something about booze and pools that makes people hot and always brings on naught escapades. Lily and I were putting on a little show as kissing turned into lustful thrusting rather quickly. We ended up entangled with a few others in the jacuzzi. Our tongues, fingers, and hands stayed busy as we explored new bodies without even exchanging names at first. Lily was kissing women and men as she obviously was feeling daring.

We eventually came up for air as more couples joined the water. One such couple we met boasted their own Lifestyle Clothing line.

These two from T.U.G.S. Nation were a hot pair! They talked about their brand with such passion. It amazed me how all these couples had found a way to make a business out of the fun part of their life. They basically travel the country from party to party selling their merchandise. It was a fascinating and inspiring.

Love my TUGS Nation hat!🍍🍍

Their motto was, “If you know, you know.”

At least that was mentioned a few times. Honestly, I believe these days many people know what the pineapple means. Though their design is a grenade with a pineapple feel to it, there is still a pretty obvious message. I had to get one of their hats. We admire their love of law enforcement, first responders and military.

I wear my T.U.G.S Nation hat all around town any chance I get, wondering if others are in the know. So far I’ve had no one comment.

Check out all they have to offer at http://www.tugsnation.com

With the night drawing to a close and much more to come, it was time to head back to our room for some sleep.

What an amazing first night! Still unsure on how we made it through and woke up in time for breakfast. That’s when we realized that I never closed the tab at poolside bar! One night and already left my debit card behind! I was able to retrieve it.

The wristband we were given, and told not to remove, was torn and tattered, nearly coming off my wrist. Sabine stopped to say good morning. Seeing the sad condition of the wristband, she promptly cut it off and replaced it! The weekend had just begun.

Didn’t make it 24hrs

The next three days were filled with everything from dancing to naughty escapades, some relaxation and even baby oil wrestling! My original intent in writing this was to take you through the entire weekend, but it’s probably best I don’t. If you can, we highly encourage you to experience it yourself! They have already started selling tickets and rooms! You can check for yourself at https://www.lifeinstylestl.com/ . They have their St. Patrick’s day party coming up very soon! I had really wanted to go, but our lives have been pretty busy lately.

Submitted by Panda Sluts 🐼

From the live acoustic set at the fancy dinner, by two amazing musicians, who are also swingers to the sexiness of the glow party, this event really had it all. We even became, accidently involved in a wild boating rescue adventure with a fun and sweet couple.

The sprawling playroom was not used nearly as much as one would have expectes, with the amount of people at the event. One thing we do notice at events with this group is the abundance of hot people who love to party and dance more than anything. While there is some live action play happening throughout, it is not the large open orgy one might think. Many form little groups and mainly party privately with those they planned to. Still others look for as much sex and play time as possible. Being the exhibitionist Lily and I are, we definitely made use of some of the playroom’s equipment.

As always, Lily and I enter these events with little expectation and if we end up having sex with only each other, that is perfectly fine for us. We could take in the sexiness around us and let it turn us on, causing us to ravish each other by the end of the evening and be completely content.

By the last night, we couldn’t even party anymore. Too much alcohol and not nearly enough sleep. We started to prepare for the final party, but instead ate a couple THC gummies and found ourselves giggling in the room together and wanting to simply share the last bits of time without the stresses of the real world. We packed up much of what we brought and looked through pictures we had taken. We discussed if we would do it again in 2022. Vinny told me he wanted me to work the event in 2022, but I am not sure, as it was so much fun to be part of the party!

Submitted by Panda Sluts🐼

As mentioned, we’ve started seeing many posts for National Swingers Weekend 2022. If you are going, don’t wait too long or you may miss out on the best rooms. Every year it seems to get bigger and bigger. We’d like to say we will be there, but family vacations are already set. We are not sure we can swing it this year! One can only imagine the possible shenanigans to be had!

Thank you so much for reading. If there are any questions, or requests of any kind, please feel free to reach out. Make sure you’re following our Instagram for the occasional mini blog. http://www.instagram.com/swingopenmo

We would say, follow our Facebook as well, but they keep locking us down with their silly rules!

Most of all, follow us here for future posts!

We are a little behind with our Podcast, but it will be coming! Even better, Lily has agreed to be my co-host! We are so excited to get things underway!

Submitted by Panda Sluts 🐼

Navigating the Unknown

“Do not feed your fears and insecurities, they will consume you”

Another Tuesday as we crawl into the New Year through what feels like the longest January in history. Bar parties and small gatherings. Huddling together for warmth.

A year into this world of polyamory and still years behind understanding. The emotional aspect tends to take away from the all-out sexually excitement swinging once brought us. The days of timid party newbies eager for that perfect swap are behind us. We experience more on our own, while our adventures together seem to fall by the side. The love is still there, but with so many solo situations it’s a struggle sometimes to feel more than a placeholder in someone’s pool of options. Never first, never last. Simply waiting for your next opportunity together. Often feeling like roommates who happen to raise children together. Cancelations and reschedules are the norm lately with everyone catching the extremely contagious omicron.

Somedays, supporting each other’s growing and developing relationships comes easier than others. Swinging was always simple. When the music stopped and the party was over, we returned to each other. Now a continuous light is left on that is not shared between us. The focus turns to learning the patterns of other people and trying to navigate the difficulties we encounter in those connections. For instance, running into vanilla friends while on a date and failing to realize that they probably won’t suspect a thing if you just act normal. Two people can have a meal together and not necessarily be more than acquaintances. Otherwise, not feeling ashamed that “basic” society may not understand. A nagging concern that you are doing something wrong.

It has been a challenge to overcome what we have been programmed to believe about relationships and at times can be downright frightening. What if they are right? What if this doesn’t work? Are we simply playing with fire and going down a path that has no happy outcome? Still, we push forward developing whatever this thing may become. Stiving to one day strip ourselves of the guilt and for once walk our own path with unbreakable confidence.

It’s kind of surreal to have multiple people love you and yet at times feel so alone and grasping for more. Whether in your head or reality, the mind constantly struggles to keep things in control where control is impossible. Acceptance of what is and letting go of what was seems to be the best solution thought not the easiest.

It is not easy to move forward with this lifestyle without thinking of the future. Instead, we simply focusing on the present. Moment to moment feels right most times until the doubt creeps its way back in.

Winter for most of us brings on seasonal depression. Compound that with the darkness already present and we find these relationships leave us feeling like outsiders to those we have always counted on to be a beacon of comfort.

Today it will be 26 degrees. Cold as the heart of a scorned lover, cursed with mistrust and trauma. There is no advice that may be given. We don’t know what lies ahead. Awareness of all the life lost around us is a wakeup call to either go for it all or hold on to what we have already built.

Thank you for listening to my mind’s swirls of doubt and frustration. There is no need to hide behind a smile or false reality. Things are not always perfect, but each moment we have a chance to give our all and hope to show up for the world and our partners in the best form possible. Try to forgive, try to nourish hopes and follow dreams. As long as our intentions are pure, then our actions will hopefully match.

What are issues you’ve run into as swingers or any form of ethical non-monagomy you may be involved in? What helped you overcome your fears and doubts? Mental health has such power over us and how we react to outside elements. How are you handling things these days? Please share a thought or words of encouragement if you can. Or if you are facing battles that could use the wisdom of others, please share that as well. Building a community of likeminded people gives some sense of relief knowing we are not completely isolated and alone.

Still working out some details on the podcast, and a lot has been pushed back due to constant scheduling changes. Also, the long-awaited review of National Swingers Weekend 2021 is nearly complete. Hopefully it will be complete before NSW 2022 is upon us. It seems the party planning for this year’s event is already underway and if you plan to go, tickets are now available. Head to, http://www.lifeinstylestl.com for the latest. Make sure to follow us on Instagram and all our social media outlets. http://www.instagram.com/swingopenmo

Be kind to eachother and yourselves.

It’s Not Always Sexy

From the time we met until now, Lily and I have been through hell and back together several times. Being able to withstand so many trials and tribulations, and still come out together, stronger each time is a true testament to the power of our love.

Saturday morning, I learned my stepfather does not have much longer on this planet. Though he is my stepfather, he has been in my life since I was nine. My biological father was and still is always there for us, but I grew up 1400 miles away from him. My stepfather was there daily.

We’ve known all year this was coming. He was diagnosed with pre-leukemia nearly a year ago, but now it’s gone full force. The doctors can’t keep his platelets up and the treatments are an extreme stress on his body. Unfortunately, due to unrelated issues with his respiratory system failing, bone marrow transplants or chemo are not options. His body would not withstand either.

So I got the call that they will be suspending treatments and potentially going to hospice. He has been given 30 days. He called myself and my other three brothers individually so he could tell us himself.

His 70th is in February. This whole thing is hard to wrap my head around. When I was young, we had our share of battles. He never hit me, or any of us, but he had a tendency to be overbearing.  The school of tough love. Our mother handled the affection in the household while he coldly ran the home with an iron fist.

He smoked cigarettes, fished, watched football and kept his lawn on point. Your stereotypical gun loving, no bullshit, hard nosed conservative. He’d pace in the garage, all 325 lbs of him, fidgeting with random items he needed to fix or polishing his John Deere mower. At 6’2″ He is a man you don’t miss. Loud mouthed, often to the point of obnoxious.  He’d strike up a conversation with just about anyone.

Writing this, I am not sure of the point. It doesn’t really fit into swinging or the lifestyle, but I’ve been in an internal struggle, this year especially to free myself and Lily of all social constructs. To be open and free to be who we are. Or at least who I am.

I feel like once he goes, there is less holding me back. I never felt I lived up to his standard of “manliness”. I am a dreamer, a lover. I was a small framed, emotionally charged punk rock kid who bucked the system at every turn. To me, as a teen, he was the system. He was the figurehead of everything I hated about society.  The jocks and tough kids who made us feel like outcasts. Made us fear being anything other than cookie cutter “normal”, simply to fit in and go with the flow.

Of course, there are still my brothers. They have tendency to latch on to anything that is different and not let you forget it. Recently, in a stupid error of cut and paste, I inadvertently sent them a link to our Instagram. Some of you may recall this. We thought for sure I had outed us. My explanation was that it was a site of one of the suspected swingers in our neighborhood and the link had been saved in my clipboard because a friend sent it to me when they had stumbled upon it, proving these hedonistic summer pool dwellers were sharing and swapping. Then I quickly removed the link destination so it would come back unable to locate should they actually click on it. They didn’t really bring it up again, though I am not sure they believed me. The jury is still out on that one.

That is our society who we feel judged by, and we create our visible reality based on what we feel safe for the majority of the world to see.

As we head into 2022, we continue to face trials within our relationships and ourselves, but we work together to truly live our best life. This will not be a “New Year, new me” situation, but a realization that we have grown into something most will not understand. The biggest take away is in the grand scheme of things, “most” do not matter. They live their life how they choose. We should all do the same. Perhaps we are the ones who are getting it right. Perhaps their  “right”, is not the same as ours.

Now that we have become polyamorous and not simply swingers, this fantasy world has become our day-to-day reality. It feels inauthentic hiding our true identity to those we love most, but the world they were brought up in and how they understood it simply does not mesh with our progressive ideas and values. Think about it though, we have relationships outside of our marriage that are very real, but we hide them for fear of other’s perceptions. What are we so afraid of? Lily and I still are very much in love and now we are able to share love with others. How does this make those dating us feel? They shouldn’t be hidden like we are ashamed to be with them.

So, we wait. Knowing my stepdad is completely conscious and cognoscente of the fate that lies before him is difficult to imagine. Does he have regrets? Did he live his life the way he felt was true to him? These are questions only he can answer. We do love him and don’t fault him for anything. I did have a decent childhood and we now get along pretty well. He instilled in me a sense of pride in my work and a take-no-shit attitude. As of today, he will be admitted to hospice. Being that he was only making it about two weeks in between transfusions, we can only assume his end will be fairly soon.

As with any end, there is new beginning. We shed our past to allow us the freedom to focus on the present and create a better future. The future here will be the Unapologetic Podcast coming in 2022. A platform that will bring to light the life we’ve chosen, our views to the forefront and give a voice to those who don’t buy into the relationship conservatism we were forced to value for so long.

We know this is not the most sexy post, but it’s raw and real. Death is a reminder to live! Whatever you may be dealing with, whether relationship turmoil, self confidence, or just simply having a bad day, as long as you’re alive, you have the ability to change your story. It’s not too late until it is. If you’ve read this whole thing we truly appreciate it. Sometimes things need to be put out there so they can be let go to relieve the stress, sadness, and negativity.

We hope you will continue to read our blog as well as get involved in the podcast when it’s released. The first interview has been lined up and we are so excited to get started! In this world of Swingtok, more and more people are realizing non-monagomy is not so abnormal. Everyone deserves to live without shame or guilt. Remember, it’s your life!

Take care and have a Merry Christmas!

Taking the Plunge

These fantasies can be overpowering. They consume your thoughts throughout the day and fuel your passion into the evening. The only release seems to be the momentary comfort from your next mind blowing orgasm that’s been built up from all the images, but even that is fleeting and you find yourself right back where you started.

Researching the reality of this world, you hope to push your relationship into, but all the fears and beliefs you were raised on weigh heavy on you, causing an internal battle between lust and morals. The more you read, learn and process, the more comfort you find in knowing you are not alone. However, your religious beliefs or simple family expectations, may make it a struggle to let go and enjoy the moment. Those who are able to overcome this find themselves a freedom few will come to know.

Cuckolding and hotwife stories were always such a turn on for me. It’s kind of where it all began. Late nights were spent at my family computer, as a teen with raging hormones, consuming story after story. We had a giant old dot matrix printer that I would print my favorites. These typically included stories about cheating, hotwifing, gangbangs, and cuckolding. Still to this day, my go to stories involve a spouse or girlfriend so lost in lust, she gives little thought to her man watching her be used. Hearing her moan in ways he never could make her. She transforms into a primal slut ready to pleasure any man who might need release. Any man but him. There’s a look of sorrow in her eyes, knowing how wrong it all seems, but with each thrust, the concern is only on the pleasure she is receiving.

Swinging by sharing partners is one thing, but having the courage to allow your spouse the freedom to experience pleasure in every imaginable way can be extremely gratifying. Recently, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting one such couple. New to the lifestyle but gaining steam by plunging right in the deep end. Dustin and Leslie were introduced to me by a friend. They have done a complete 180 in their marriage dynamic, going from pure to pornographic in a very short time, with no signs of slowing down.

Dustin has put together a guest post, which tells of how they came to find this world of salacious behaviors in an effort to reclaim their sex life.

They can be followed on twitter @showmeswing and @AEll812

Guest Post by Dustin

Yesterday as I was searching for collars to buy my wife with the words “Hotwife” or “Slut” on them, I had a how-in-the-world-did-we-get-here moment. Then about two hours later I was sitting across a bar table from a new bull for my wife when he asked me to explain how we got into the lifestyle, and again I was faced with the question of how we got here. Racking my brain, I had to go all the way back to a conversation I had with my great-grandpa on his deathbed. I asked him what he would do differently if he had a second chance. Being a religious man, I thought he would say that he should have been a missionary or something really noble. But he didn’t. He said he would have made sure his wife had a better life. They were farmers who worked incredibly hard their whole lives. He hadn’t mistreated her, he just didn’t make her enjoyment a priority. I left that room on a mission to make my wife’s life better, to give her experiences and joys in this world. I booked a trip to Vegas shortly after that. I didn’t know what else to do. (My wife said she wishes I had picked housework). The second part of this impetus was my growing addiction to pornography, particularly cuckolding.

This fascination with sharing my wife, coupled with my frustration of not having much sex in my marriage, led me to searching for help just a few months ago. The Twitter wormhole brought me to some swingers who recommended a sex therapist. Well, to say this lady was a miracle worker would be too inadequate. My wife had been a staunchly religious, rule-following, prudish, great woman. She was my best friend, partner, therapist, and boon companion, always positive and encouraging and trustworthy – darn near perfect excluding the bedroom. But in the bedroom, she was pretty cold. She just had trouble letting go of a spirit of religiosity and the feeling that everything good must be bad. More on that some other time perhaps, but the short of it was that I felt like I had a Porsche with no keys. Within weeks, my good Christian wife (who still loves Jesus, btw) was liberated from the evil spirit of religiosity and what erupted from within was 44 years of suppressed desires and suffocated fantasies. What we have now is a glorious amalgamation of all of the good parts of her old self (sweetness, forgiveness, patience, trustworthiness, integrity) and this unshackled, raw, passionate self. She went from Puritan to Porn Star in two months. And, no, I won’t give you the name of the therapist, lol.

Moments before Leslie’s first gangbang

I know many readers will say that this is too sudden to stick, or that we will crash and burn. Maybe. But I can see your wager, and I’ll raise you a nickel that we actually have a smashing good time despite some bumps. We are consummating our marriage for the first time really. We’re not virgins, yet we have just now “known” each other because our hearts are exposed for each other — all of them, including the secrets and most vulnerable parts. My secret sins have been brought into the light and I’ve been forgiven by her. Because we’re connecting and all the parts of me are being satisfied, my porn consumption has plummeted. (Who needs porn when you’re making porn?) And I’m finally able to love all of her, because I actually know her now. Half of her pieces were missing from the puzzle, and although we never get the complete picture because it keeps changing, I know more of her now and I really, really, really like it!

As it stands, we are attempting to swing some (which hasn’t gone well) but mostly my wife has been hotwifing. Turns out it’s much easier to find a guy to have sex with a beautiful woman than it is to find a woman to have sex with a man that looks like he ate himself forty pounds ago. Who knew?

I want you to know that this process has not all gone smashingly here in the beginning. There were nights I did not handle things well when I found out other guys got something I had been waiting for for 25 years. And then there were all the insecurities that came out: “You never made that sound with me;” “Hey, can you not text him while I’m trying to talk to you?” and “Three hours, really? What happened to ‘getting sore’ after 30 minutes?” From my wife’s perspective, she’s wrestling with her spiritual schema, her self-exploration, which is emotional, her role as mother to aging teens, her fun-to-responsibilities balance, and her insecure and paranoid husband. Considering everything, she has done an amazing job!

She convinced me that no one is going to steal her heart. Convincing a paranoid person of anything is nearly impossible, so I’m sure she’ll have to do that many times. My goal was to bless her with great experiences, not steal all the fun by barraging her with 30 questions when she gets home from a rendezvous, and then pouting afterwards. I’d like to think those nights are behind us, but I have a feeling they aren’t. In the lifestyle people will often say, “Don’t get into this to fix your marriage.” I totally understand why that’s true. This has been testing on many parts of our relationship — things like openness, transparency, communication, bonding, trust, compromise, and others. Thankfully, those bits were strong. It was the sex we needed help with and although our radically improved sex life hasn’t “fixed our marriage,” it sure as hell helped.

Sometimes I question how this all ends at our current trajectory, but I know we’re happier than we’ve ever been, more bonded, more in love, more hopeful, more free, more forgiving and inclusive, more ourselves, and more likely to handle bumps in the road. We actually have a little momentum for the bumps, I think. This has been our experience so far. We have much to learn. In closing, I want to lay out an argument for spouse sharing and it’s this: I don’t want to get to the end of my life and wonder if my sweetheart, my bride, my partner and lover had a good life. In one sense we’re all in charge of our own happiness, but in the real world, a spouse has a great deal of influence over our happiness, and I’m likely the only one she’ll ever have. So, I need to facilitate experiences, encourage her to be her true self, and even give her the freedom to live out her desires because I love her. I will fail many times. I also need to remind myself daily that her happiness is more important than my pride and that her love for me is unwavering. If I can remember those things, and we can communicate and grow, then I think we have decent odds at doing smashingly.

Times They Are A-Changin

Do you ever get stuck feeling ashamed of the life you have chosen? Many of us were taught to find that one true love. We were told there is this mystical person out there who will fit perfectly, meet our every need, and be our soul mate. If you are a woman, HE will be your prince charming. He will sweep you off your feet and swoon you into a life of “happily ever afters” . If you’re a man, SHE will be your perfect dream girl, your queen and sex goddess. She will tend to your every need and you will live in bliss!

Well, we have decided these lessons were all a bunch of bullshit. Passed down from generation to generation. Stemming from a puritanical society. The same society who would have us believe not only that we lack the capability to love more than one person at a time, but the ONE you choose must be of the opposite sex. These unspoken rules of relationships leave some afraid to ever look beyond the norm for fear of ridicule or being cast aside by those they believed to be friends and in some cases even family.

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but an acquaintance once told me, “There’s no such thing as a bisexual man. They just haven’t been fucked by right one to turn them gay.”

Not knowing how to react to such ignorance, I simply laughed and moved on. The number of openly bisexual women in the LS community is staggering. It’s encouraged, supported and sought after by every couple and single.  Everyone is chasing their unicorn.

How do we help this community, who claims to be accepting of all to go further and actually be completely accepting of all?

One thing we can do is step out in the open and realize many of us are the same. I can not tell you the number of men I have met with in the community who says they are bi or at least curious but they don’t tell anyone for fear of what it could mean.

Sexuality is absolutely a spectrum! I have learned that this year. Recently, The Red Couch talks about this in their recent post about Bisexual Men in the Swingers Community https://theredcouch.co/2021/09/21/bisexual-men-swingers-community/

https://theredcouch.co/

My journey this year followed a plan to revisit my interest in men. Muscular dominant men to be exact. Most of my current friends are unaware in my past I considered my self bi-curious, yet never pursued this interest. Besides a few adventurous nights in my youth, after about 2000, I had left this part of me in the rear view.

Growing up with three older brothers, the raw testosterone that coursed through our home, was fueled even more by my overbearing step-father doing his best to mold us in to fine strapping young men. Being the youngest out of us four allowed me to slack slightly on much of the hard labor, yet still reap some of the benefits. They’d hunt and fish. I’d eat well. They’d learn how to fix cars and clean guns. I got high and learned drums and guitar. I wrote songs, read plays, and was the hopeless romantic. While they played sports, chased girls, and got in fights.

Perhaps my status as baby of the house coupled with my brothers tendency to steal my food if I stepped away from the table even for a second, kept me a bit smaller than the rest of my siblings. Ranging from 5’11” to 6’2″ or maybe 6’3″ and built like lineman, with each of them having played such for our high-school football teams. The oldest went on to play football through college on a partial scholarship as a nose tackle.

They were your basic rough and tough guy jocks. I don’t know what kept me from following along like one more lemming, but I couldn’t be more different.  All my life I dreamed of being a Hollywood star. My style was always a bit eclectic, sporting wide leg JNCOs with long hair, thinking I looked like Kurt Cobain in my later high school days.(I did not) In Middle school I’d often emulate movie characters in the way I’d dress. Especially from mafia movies like The Godfather or Goodfellas. I’d show up in loafers, dress pants and a silk purple shirt with my hair slicked back like a real greaseball. Around my neck I wore a fake gold chain that went perfect with my gold ring, watch and bracelet. No wonder I started getting picked on more often.

A bit of a class clown is what kept some friends with me, cracking jokes like, “I’m not gay my boyfriend is” was par for the course.

This love for the music and the arts was passed down from my father who was a Theater teacher, as well as a performer in his own right. Even today he continues write and perform in plays and play music in a blues band all around the area. As a child I went to rehearsals and performances of his. Captivated by the sense of play, the fun of playing dress up and pretending really caught hold of me.

My parents were divorced when I was about 2 years old. My dad remarried twice as of today, but my first stepmother had a daughter who happened to be lesbian. We didn’t discuss it much, but I heard she married another woman and they both wore tuxedos. Although I also heard she was now divorced and married to a gay man or something. None of this ever seemed odd to me. Even with my rather conservative up bringing.

Of course my actions and behavior around others was very different. My brother’s could never know I was ok with someone being gay. Even one of our cousins, who never hid his sexuality for a second, They would treat like family to his face, but make awful comments if he were to be brought up when not around. It was difficult and looking back now, I am ashamed of my behavior and things I’ve said regarding the gay community. The jokes I made at their expense, often to just fit in are inexcusable. Not saying I’m flying the LBGTQ+ flag and getting all political about it. But the part that truly matters is allowing people to be with and love who ever they feel is right for them. People don’t marry or have relationships for a community. They do it for themselves. Connections make us feel whole. Personal happiness is just that, personal. As mentioned before, I am out of fucks! Running Out of Fucks

Recently, a post from our Instagram @Swingopenmo was inadvertently sent these three older brothers. There was no connection to us really and I was able to remove the post so the link would come back empty if they were to click on it. Still they could read the Instagram blurb that goes above the post. They made their jokes, but I played it off as it was someone else’s that was sent to me, and I then sent it to them in error. Whether they bought it or not the jury is still out, but I nearly pulled the mask off and just told them the truth. I keep asking myself, what difference does it make? No matter how they respond, we love who we are and do not intend to change. But we decided to just let it be.

Well, Today is National Coming Out Day after all. Lily is not entirely on board with the idea to be completely open just yet, but she is considering it. But today’s post is about me opening up to the LS community and beginning to be more honest with myself.

From a young age I was aware of my sexuality. Many nights I’d spend exploring my body. Often blurring the lines of gender in my mind.  I discovered rather quickly this spectrum of sexuality. Gay or straight never mattered much in my mind. To me, if the moment was hot and it turned me on, then I was likely to give it a try. We don’t always need labels. Things can be left to be whatever they are without categorizing.

As covered in the beginning in Retribution, we got into swinging while doing a lot of ecstasy in our late teens early twenties. Chris, who I’ve talked about before as one of my best childhood friends would share Lily off and on for a couple years. One night, Lily, Chris and I thought it’d be fun to shower together. We were still coming off rolling the night before, and our bodies were still craving to be touched. Although Lily was there for us to use as we pleased, our hands moved all over. Lily was very interested in all of us exploring each other. She was kissing him, he was kissing her, he was touching me and I was rubbing on him.  There were no lines drawn and no boundaries. We wanted to see what a double blow job would be like. Not having another girl was no issue. We simply took turns helping Lily suck. Allowing each to get a chance to feel what it was like. The whole experience was insanely erotic for us three. The warm shower dripping down on the three of us as we pleasured each other other without shame, guilt, or misunderstanding. Gender didn’t matter to me. The moment pulled me in, our hormones were through the roof.

Don’t worry, I am not asking you to go try it. If you are a “super straight”, then just equate it to two women and you’ll be fine.

I am fully aware that putting this out there, might cause some of you to distance yourself from me and that’s ok. Lily is still by my side and that is the most important thing to me. Not to mention my girlfriend and all the others who I have already opened up to.

Taking this year to explore what I felt may have been my bi-sexual side quickly turned to me realizing I am completely pansexual. I’ve had new adventures trying things I never realized I’d enjoy. Like a hot blonde with a strap on! Highly recommend. I’ve also had threesomes and foursomes where everyone was touching everyone. There were no awkward moments with someone shouting, “No Homo”. 

I had to ask myself, am I having a midlife crisis? Is this actually something I want to be doing? I could see no reason why not.

For those who are my friends and our friends, please note, I do not intend to try to fuck everyone. Consent is still a very real thing. If you haven’t heard, we did discuss that in a previous blog post. Consent is Everything

Coming out on National Coming Out day has been my plan all year. Thinking back, these feelings were sprinkled throughout my life even before Lily and Chris.

Flashes of my childhood flicker in my mind. At just 4 years old, in preschool we were all outside playing in the school yard, as children do. It was a beautiful day with very few clouds in the sky. It’s difficult to remember, but there was a blacktop parking lot that led to a play yard. The sprawling grounds of ragged weed infested grass, old tires half buried created a fun little obstacle course. Up a hill to the left stood a wooden playground with multiple layers and platforms. You know the kind. They have a high risk for leaving a child stuck with a irremovable splinter. The platforms created a bit of cover which was a perfect little hideout. This particular day, there seemed to be extra interest in the small hideaway as children gathered to see what was happening.

Seeing a few other children head in that direction, I too became curious not wanting to be the only one not part of whatever the excitement was all about. Looking into the the wooden covered bunker, a few girls were lying on their stomachs with their pants down leaving their naked butts out for all to see. They were giggling as a couple boys crawled down the line of girls, giving them a kiss on their “cheeks”.

Now, I don’t quite recall how I got involved, but I had a sudden urge to join them. Not as one of the boys though. I wanted to be one of the pretty girls. So I went to the far end to the left and laid face down ass up, like the rest of the girls. The boys played along without question, without ridicule.

Sometime during that same year, I slept over one of the boy’s houses. They lived in a double wide. His parents had set up and indoor tent for us, or perhaps it was an outdoor one, simply placed indoors. It’s never easy to visualize each moment from the eighties, but I do know, in that tent he and I played the same game we had on the playground at preschool.. Again, I pretended to be the pretty girl.

There were multiple times early in life I found myself having this urge to be more feminine. Not in a cross dressing drag queen way or anything. There was one time I tried on a dress my mother had on the drying line in the basement by the washer and dryer, but the thought to dress pretty never really occurred to me back then. Though I did sometimes envy girls clothing. They get all the cute accessories. Occasionally I’d wrap my blanket around me and pretend to be a girl. There were times I can recall wishing I would wake up as a girl, thinking my life would be much easier that way.

Perhaps it was seeing the power of women through my mother. She raised us on her own basically for about seven years of our lives. She’d stop at nothing to provide for us. They say men are the tougher gender, but the women around me were tough as nails and amazing providers. My mom has 4 sisters and 5 brothers. They grew up very poor. All of the women in this family are bad ass bitches who are also extremely motherly and caring. I understood the power of being a strong women more than most boys. At least I felt I did.

My point in bringing all this up is to give an understanding as to how long I hid this within me. The spectrum I discovered within myself has led to some of the most mind blowing orgasms ever. They have allowed me to be the assertive dominant male towards Lily and most woman and switch to the coy and timid submissive I enjoy being toward the right guy. I’ve even found a major attraction to many transwomen. I think mainly due to Tik Tok.

Had Lily and I not become swingers, I may never had explored this part of me. Being poly now has opened my mind to even considering finding a boyfriend. This is something I once asked if I could do with Chris, my high school friend. Back then, it was not something Lily was as open to though she never mind me playing with him. So I am currently taking applications. Really I am open to dating anyone I feel a bond with.

This decision was tough for Lily and I. She is afraid of the reaction from those we know in our local LS Community. Hopefully they will see we are the same couple. I am no different than the day before, you just know me a little better. Maybe understand me a bit more. It’s not wrong to share things and know about each other.

In the interest of National Coming Out, I have decided to add to the Swing Open world by coming out with my podcast in 2022! The ‘Unapologetic Podcast’ will be about living life on our terms without fear of what anyone around us thinks. Living to cherish the things that serve your happiness and let go of all the negative behaviors that hold us down.

If you have been following along there has been a bit of a theme this year leading up to me admitting to everyone, including myself about being Pansexual. This is something I believe has always been a part of me. Never until now did I feel safe to admit it. If you picked apart the references and innuendos then perhaps you already understood where we were going with all this. There are some who already know this about me and those I’ve told, to this point have been so amazing and supportive. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Thank you to those who are reading this and continue to support my writing. You are truly appreciated.

We will get back to more swingers things going forward, I have a post coming soon that will discuss some of the exploration Lily and I have done with cuckold play. Also the long awaited review from our kinky adventures at National Swingers Weekend 2021! We can’t wait to bring you the podcast! Thank you for reading!

What the F*ck Are We Doing?

Why do we torture ourselves? Us two are high school sweethearts, just having celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary. We are very much in love and yet, here we are. Going on dates, or trying to anyways. Why? People like us, out there on dates!? Many of us weren’t any good at it in high school or college. So, here’s an idea. How about now we get out there and bring all the self doubt, fears of rejection, and potential heart-break back in to our lives? Like, literally what the fuck are we doing? What the fuck is wrong with us? There’s got to be a common thread. A vine of some sort that links us all, intertwined in these taboos, this, “alternative” relationship world. But, what?

The way it grows, expands and takes over is fascinating. There seems to be a progression to which you are no longer touching your toes in the water. You’re performing full on somersault swan dives into the deep end. People look to you for answers. They want to know where the best parties are. They want to get in.

It all really comes back to boundaries and how far you are willing to push your own. In the beginning, it was how far we could push them as a couple. Overall, it still is, but we have reached a point of comfort and freedom where we are able to individually explore any avenue we feel might nourish our existence.

Don’t mistake comfort for a mundane old relationship that has lost its spontaneity and luster, forcing us to look beyond each other for gratification. We have created a completely safe and accepting extension to the already amazing bond we share.

Recently, I’ve been talking with someone who has been in my life since I was 13 years old. My first kiss. My first love. Sure, maybe it was puppy love, but even at 13 we were together for about a year. Which is longer than even most adult relationships these days. Now a grown woman, with that same adorable laughter, the same sweet voice, the same beautiful soul. Though we have not seen each other in nearly a decade, the fiery connection we shared in our youth has never completely extinguished. If the opportunity to date her were possible, it could become serious rather quickly. Like pouring gasoline on that flame.

With all this happening, it dawned on me that I have kept in contact with nearly every girlfriend I’ve ever had. Even short relationships, or ones that didn’t end quite as dignified as they could have, we are no longer at odds. Each hold a special place in my heart. Flickers of memories like a film strip of my life, strung together in a sequence of relationships, new love and broken hearts. A simple click on any one of their Facebook profiles instantly brings back a flurry of memories, like opening a time portal.

We are no longer kids. She is married and they are not LS. She is intrigued however. My ethical side tells me to keep things platonic. We are not here to cause collateral damage.

It happens often. A friend with curiosity causing them to ask questions and begin considering a peek into the other side. Sometimes you need a friend to help guide you or at least be there to walk with you into uncharted territory. Other times you are the guide. However, you must be careful not to take advantage of their curiosity. If you are going to bring them into this community, do it with class. Do it at their pace. It must be completely 100% consensual.

Read all about our thoughts on consent in our past entry: Consent is Everything

We have moments ourselves, where we need guidance. A couple weeks back, I went on an adventure like never before. Some newer friends showed me a world I would not even have considered when we had our typical monogamous marriage.

My point is, once you get to a place where you have your safety and support, you find yourself able to open up and give the same to others. In the end, it all comes down to loving and being loved. Caring for each other as humans should. There is enough hatred and sadness, why create more? Love, and share your love with others.

I literally used to be the one who would walk around and talk about how I hate people and everyone sucks. Realizing now more than ever, hating everyone around you is a sure fire way to leave you isolated.

Perhaps that’s why we have come back to the dating scene. Even though Lily and I have each other, we are rebuilding love we let wilt in our past. We moved a few times around the country, from one coast to the other and back to the middle. This never made it easy to create deep bonds.

A friend was having a rough day a few weeks ago. An argument with a family member left her in tears. She called me. Why? She felt I could be there for her in the moment she needed someone. It was kind of amazing to be needed in that way.

The odd thing is, neither my ex girlfriend from my teenage years nor my friend in need are even having a sexual relationship with me. I think finding our way into this poly-world has made me start caring about people again! Don’t quote me. I am still not sure how I feel about it and I have a reputation to uphold. I am still an asshole, I promise you that. Maybe it’s old age or life experience. Who knows? It’s like that moment when the Grinch’s heart grew three sizes.

So we get back out there. Some looking for answers and how to break into the LS. Excited, naïve, and filled with dreams of constant sexual gratification. Others look for connections and deeper meaningful lifelong relationships. What ever the case is, we are open and vulnerable again. It makes us feel alive, I suppose.

The same shyness, inadequacies, self doubt we had before still scream in our ears. Every meet and greet we attend and every date we go on, trying to fulfill a need for acceptance and to be loved.

Recently, I was able to go out for a rather short “guys night”. Just to a bar for a few hours, if that. We had the oddest conversation with a couple different ladies. We sat at the corner of a shelf-top railing like table, with our backs facing the bar as we watched Karaoke singers take their turns in the spotlight. Sitting in the center, with Ben to my right and LE to my left, we scanned the bar for potential new friends. Ben was pretty into a game he was playing on his phone but was following the conversation. LE on the other hand seemed to know everyone in the bar, being a bit of a regular.

There was one girl dancing a bit and seemed to be in a friendly mood. LE was able to catch her eye for a moment and motioned for her to come join us. To my surprise she walked over. Her dark hair tied back in a ponytail made her adorable smile and glittery eyes shine in the strobe. She was hesitant but intrigued. Her name escapes me but she wore jeans and a tight black top. Her cellphone stuck out of her back pocket making it difficult to to discern if the shape of her ass was real or simply an optical technological illusion provided by the phone.

LE asked her name and where she was from. She lived not far, but apparently her friend had left her at the behind. Seems to be a common theme I’ve encountered throughout my life. Like the damsel in distress. I always somehow meet the girl who’s friend left them behind. But I digress.

LE inquired about her status. To which she said she was single, though there was a guy at the bar she had met just that night. Bold as he is, LE wasted little time getting to the point; he asked if he would like to come hangout with us and we would take her home. I don’t recall how it came up, perhaps I threw out a comment about Lily or something, but she learned Ben and I were married. Also that both our wives were at home fully aware and ok with us out potentially picking up women. In fact, we explained my situation and having not only a wife, but a “sidepiece” and everyone is good with it. I explained that Lily also dates separately on occasion. She was in shock.

“No, no, no! That’s not right,” she said with a smirk and a glint of curiosity in her eye.

She told us how that’s not how she was raised, and that she is way too jealous for something like that. She laughed it off and told us she was going to stand back at the bar. By that time I needed to catch a buzz. Having a bowl and weed in my pocket, for medicinal purposes of course. I jumped up, walked over to her and asked if she smoked.

She said, “yes.” I followed with “do you want to smoke with me?”

Another yes, and she followed me to the door. Just to be clear, I had no intention of trying anything with her, but my curiosity was in her point of view. What was so wrong about my marriage and our situation as husband and wife?

We smoked and discussed it. She told me it’s not something that she thinks is wrong, but that she just is too jealous and it would never work for her. That was good enough for me. At least she didn’t think me to be some kind of monster. On one hand I don’t care how others feel about it, but also see it as a moment to offer a different perspective on relationships that perhaps before they really didn’t understand.

We smoked the bowl and talked about the basics, where she grew up, etc. Once finished, we headed back in and she went off to dance with the guy she had met earlier.

Ben and LE, looked at me with wonder, likely thinking something had happened between the vanilla and I. Last they saw me make a move to talk to her and head out the door with her. I suppose I could have made up a decent tale of how she sucked me off behind the building, or I bent her over a car, but I simply told them the truth.

Last call came and people began to head out in groups. A gorgeous blond, my kryptonite, passed by with her man in tow after leaving the pool table. Her tight jeans outlined her curves in all the right places and we gawked as men do, though LE was not so enticed. He told me of a run in he had with her. Apparently he did not think highly of her.

At that moment as another group of patrons passed by, LE reached out to another blond who was talking loudly about going to the casino and how she is out partying with her daughter. She gave her daughter a hug and told her she would see her at the casino and to my disbelief was pulled in by LE’s uncanny ability to strike up a conversation with just about anyone. She stood next to me in the same spot as the last girl, talking across me to LE. There was bit of small talk until they landed on something of interest. She mentioned briefly how she moved from California. Lily and I spent the majority of our twenties in Los Angeles. We talked about parts of California we had been and she mentioned having been in a few films. We asked, what sort of films? To which she laughed at the question and skirted around the question. She also talked about her family owning an Island in the Caribbean. At this point we weren’t sure if we were being played or actually speaking to a multi-millionaire, former porn star in a random Missouri suburban bar. With this in mind, we circled back to her “acting” career as the topic of conversation. We thought for sure if this person was open minded enough to participate in sexual acts on camera for pay, she would definitely understand a life like the three of us were a part of.

LE gave her the rundown and asked how she felt about me having a girlfriend and a wife, knowing they were both ok with the arrangement. Her face filled with shock and discomfort, as if I had told her that her partner had cheated! It was an awkward moment. She reacted nearly identical to the previous vanilla, but with more disdain. She said how it was wrong and that is not how relationships should be. She nearly seemed to get upset about it, which was odd as it was not her relationship. She could not get out the door and away from us heathens fast enough.

LE was puzzled by the exchange. He sad, “I can’t believe we just got judged by a fucking porn star.”

In that moment it occurred to me, that we have spent so much time around people with open marriages of some kind and far more open minds, that to be around those who don’t understand our choices, seems almost foreign to us. Feeling like an outcast and perhaps something must be wrong with me, then I recalled the number of like-minded individuals we partied with at National Swingers Weekend 2021 not long ago and know I am not alone. Maybe they are the outcast? Perhaps there are no outcasts. That’s the beauty of it. No one should ever feel ashamed for how they choose to live their lives. We are not all the same. What one does in their personal lives and relationships, does not effect other’s who are not directly involved. We are consenting adults. We know all the risks, and we choose to live this way because it is who we are.

“My choice is what I choose to do and If I’m causing no harm it shouldn’t bother you. Your choice is who you choose to be and if you’re causing no harm then you’re alright with me.” – Ben Harper

Though his song was referring to my other favorite pastime, it applies to so many other facets of life. We could just as easily judge others and admittingly have. We all cling to what’s familiar. It’s like a security blanket to a toddler. Though some of us see beyond the norm and dare to be different. We push our limits and shift our values to fit how we want our lives to be. After all, we only live it once!

We hope you enjoyed reading and welcome any and all feedback. Having readers at all is a wonderful thing and you are so appreciated. Thank you for allowing us to share our thoughts and our world with you.

There is so much in the works here at Swing Open. Although we don’t have any huge parties lined up, we have gone to several smaller engagements and have also had some very scandalous independent adventures. Lily with her pool party escapade and myself with my sidepiece late night lap dance on a bench on Main Street. We were suppose to attend a hotel party with some friends, but Lily came down with a nasty cold. Instead of anything kinky that weekend, she was in bed while I wrangled the kids all around. We still have so much to unravel and tell about National Swingers Weekend down at the lake, and you won’t want to is that!

Be sure to subscribe and follow all the social medias out there! Now on Instagram and Facebook, @Swingopenmo. Also LE can be followed on Twitter @BBC_lite and Ben and his beautiful Olivia can be also be found on Twitter @BenandOlivia2. Please share your comments, send your questions, and share with your friends. After all, sharing is caring. Thanks again for reading!

Switch Hit

We have learned so much about ourselves by exploring our sexuality together. Not so long ago our feelings about sex, sexual desires and what turned us on looked completely different from what they are today.

A few years ago, I posted a question in a local Facebook group we are a part of. A question I thought was straight forward, but have learned the answers were anything but conclusive.

The question was simply, “Are you more dominant or more submissive?”

From my naïve perspective at the time, it seemed like a very black and white, night and day question. You had to be one or the other, no?

I couldn’t have been any further from reality.

Many commented that they are switch, depending on the situation.

Switch? It never occurred to me that someone could be both. Exploring multiple dynamics seemed so alluring. So simple but profound.

Still I wanted clear answers. Ultimately I was actually trying to find out which women in the group were submissive, to be honest. Another naivety. Assuming that just being submissive, perhaps would make them easily be submissive to me. Again, completely wrong!

I rephrased the question in a way to guide them to a precise answer. Urged them to pick a side! Everyone had to have a side, right?

Wrong again! I get it now. There are so many variants to sexual play that it makes complete sense that anyone, regardless of gender or sexual desires could be any part of the spectrum at any given time.

Desires change and evolve. You can choose to hold back or free yourself to safely explore where things may take you. If it’s something in the end you find you don’t like, you can always stop doing it.

For example, you may not be interested in anal play, but your partner wants you to try it with them. Are you curious? Does part of your mind whisper, “maybe you’ll love it.” If it does, give it a try. The worse thing that could happen is you try something and you dislike it. If that happens, communicate it right away. Talk to your partner. Be honest about what specifically you didn’t like. Perhaps there is an adjustment that could be made. Otherwise, if it’s not for you, that is perfectly fine! No one is required to perform any level of sexual acts.

Consent is so important and I can not stress it enough. If you don’t like something, stop, and communicate your feelings. Read all about my thoughts on consent in my previous blog post, https://swing-open.org/2019/10/12/consent-is-everything/

Typically, it seems women will play the submissive role. I personally love submissive women. One of the reasons I married Lily. But you must remember, and what I have learned is, just because someone is submissive, does not mean they will submit to just anyone, at least not completely. They must have trust in their partners. This trust must be built up in order to allow someone who is naturally submissive to completely come out of their shell. That or if they orgasm, then all bets are off! At least that is how Lily operates. In the end though, honesty and trust help everyone to feel safe to try new things without fear of ridicule.

This all starts to get into the BDSM community a bit. I am not even going to pretend to know much about BDSM, but I am learning. Some of my new kinks and fetishes definitely dabble in that kink community. I would love to learn more. I hope to share more with all of you.

There is an event coming up this weekend, “Beat Me in St. Louis.” See what they did there? Unfortunately we will not be able to attend. There is no way we can get that many days without kids. Perhaps in the future.

Advertised as a three day fully immersive event. All the Kink and BDSM you could ask for. They have seminars and educational presentations. It will be completely “Vanilla-Free.” Sounds like one hell of an event and a great way to learn a lot at once about the BDSM community.

Find more information for the event by following the link here, https://beatmeinstl.com/

If you happen to go, send pics or just a short paragraph of your favorite thing about the event or even if there were things you didn’t like, share those too. We would love to hear all about it!

Getting back to submissive people, women don’t always play this part. In fact it is pretty common to have a female Dominatrix, or Domme. Gender really plays no part in who is the dominant one.

I have started to explore my submissive side this year and have discovered some amazing erotic feelings that I never knew existed. It is fascinating to allow your inhabitations go and truly immerse yourself in the moment. Submission is not giving up all control. In fact, the submissive has the most power of all. They carry the power to control how far their dominant counterpart may take them. They are the lead character in their sexual adventure.

Allowing myself to switch has given me some of the most highly erotic experiences ever. I still love to be dominant, but in the right moments I am happy to switch.

As I have said in the past, I am really trying to cut ties with all labels as much as possible. Why should they matter? Labels only serve to organize you into subsets or groups. Without labels, you are free to flow naturally from one experience to the next, without guilt or misunderstandings. No hierarchy needs to be created amongst you and your partners. Be dominant, be submissive, be anything that feels right at any moment.

You should try to let go if you have not done so before, become the submissive. Allow yourself the experience of relinquishing your control. If you do this, feel free to report back! Tell us all the dirty details!

Having a partner who explores your sexual desires and helps to push your boundaries definitely is a bonus; some may not have a partner, we know. There are so many singles in these scenes and you can absolutely get in. Of course, women are rarely turned away. You’d have to have really fucked up good if you are a female blacklisted from anything Lifestyle related. Or if you happen to be the single bluefish, just remember this, be yourself, be respectful. I know Lily has a few bluefish she is thankful to have met and have in our lives. We have one paying her a visit tonight.

A lot has happened with us and there is so much I need to catch everyone up on. Topics to come include, “We’re Poly Now?” We will tell all about our first poly relationships and how we struggled to maintain our life while dealing with jealousy and other issues we did not see coming. We plan to discuss cuckolding, including adventures we have explored. Such hot, intense experiences. Perhaps give some details on the “punishment” Lily received in which a friend and I delayed her orgasm several times before fucking her to multiple orgasms.

What else…? Oh! We have decided to jump on the Only Fans train and give it a shot. Why not? We have the equipment and the means to do it. It’s the consistency we lack. Perhaps with Lily being more the focal point of an Only Fans it will drive her to help me be consistent. We shall see. If we ever get accepted.

Picture from http://www.Lifeinstylestl.com

Also, BIIIIIG NEWS! We are going to National Swingers Weekend 2021 with the LifeinStyLe STL Group! Can NOT wait! Four nights on a lake property with hundreds, perhaps thousands of swingers and lifestyle party goers. There is entertainment every day with dinners and nightly themed parties! We missed last year but are so happy and excited to be a part of it this year!

As always, please feel free to reach out to us if you have any questions or opinions you’d like to relay, or if you just want to talk to someone like minded. We love talking to people from all over and learning about what works for them in this Lifestyle and what we can perhaps take away for ourselves.

To all our followers, thanks for bearing with us. You are very much appreciated! To those who perhaps stumbled upon this, please follow. We promise, it won’t be boring. At least, we will try not to let it be boring. Until next time!

Running Out of Fucks

“You can’t be an important and life-changing presence for some people without also being a joke and an embarrassment to others.”-The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*uck

This quote speaks volumes to me. It is a reminder that trying to please everyone is a loss cause. It will never happen. There will always be those who disapprove of your life choices, but in the end it is your life. Trust me, you are an inspiration to someone just the way you are! You are also the villain in someone’s story!

One thing weighing heavy on my mind me these days, is the urge to be completely free of all social constructs . To live my life the way I see fit. How amazing would that be? Living on my own terms. Only allow positivity in my life and being who I am no matter what!

We hold ourselves back from reaching our potential when we aren’t our true selves.

In the movie, “Private Parts”, Howard Stern realizes in order to truly be great, he had to just be himself. He had to break through the negativity . There were so many that despised what he did but he kept doing it his way. In the movie he quits his mediocre job as a disk jockey at a country music station with nothing lined up, but he knew he was destine for something more.

Private Parts (1997) – Plot Summary – IMDb

I recall the scene where he has this epiphany. He is discussing his reasons for leaving a mediocre job and realizes what he must do going forward.

Howard says, “It’s so apparent to me now what I should be doing. I should be talking about my personal life. I’ve got to get intimate. And every time I feel like I shouldn’t say something, maybe I should just blurt it out, you know? I just got to let things fly. I got to go all the way!”

In that moment, Howard realizes that the only way he was going to achieve success and contentment is to “go all the way”. He couldn’t fake it.

If you know anything about Stern, you know how this story ends. Whether you love him or hate him, his show was an extreme success and paved the way for so many who came after. He had no fucks to give.

I absolutely loved the book, The Art of Not Giving a F*ck! Essentially, its mantra is not to give a fuck about anything that is not worth giving a fuck about. You only have so many fucks to give, after all and you don’t want to just waste fucks on anything and everything. People are going to talk! Let them. If you have not read the book, check it out. Highly recommended.

[By Mark Manson] The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck (Paperback) by Mark Manson (Author) (Paperback): Manson Mark: Amazon.com: Books

Lily and I are adults. We love who we are and who we have become in our nearly 25 years together. We are not ashamed of our life and how we choose to live it. Ok maybe Lily is a little, but why should we be, why hide it? I don’t like to be fake to people. Perhaps we simply need to spend time with only those whom we don’t have to wear a mask around.

If you have “friends” who are not comfortable with your life choices, they don’t need to be in your story. Kill off some characters in your story! If the Walking Dead can do it, so can you! (DO NOT ACTUALLY KILL PEOPLE). Leave them behind and pursue your happiness.

A friend of mine likes to, “Filter” people. It’s as if she is sifting for gold. You get a shit ton of rocks before you ever grasp that morsel of fortune. It makes sense. There are so many people in this world. Meet them! Go on all the dates! Try everything that interests you. Don’t just dream about it. Go fucking do it! You might make amazing friends, lovers, sex partners! Sure, you won’t click with everyone, so filter them out!

I understand the need to hide this lifestyle from family, co-workers, PTO Karens. But let them open their closets. Everyone has something and if they don’t they really need to get out more often.

I recently told my younger brother that we are swingers. At the time, Lily had a boyfriend and I was seeing someone separately as well. We were dabbling in the poly world a bit. It’s been a crazy fucking start to the year! So much has happened. We will have to save that for another time.

When I decided to tell my brother, I felt I needed someone close to me to know. He had confided in me when he found out he was to be a father unexpectedly, before he told our parents. It felt good to bond with him that way. To let him into my world a little more. There was a sense that he would be ok with it. I am not bringing him to any parties, although I am sure as a single guy he would appreciate it, but it feels good to be accepted by family no matter how twisted or unusual they your choices may be.

He said that he never expected to be jealous that his older married brother gets more pussy than he does. I found that to be both eye opening and kind of awesome.

One of our on going agreements is to always keep our vanilla world separate from our LS world. For good reason of course. We have children. We don’t ever want them to be shunned or treated differently because of the choices we make in our personal lives.

When it is only our sex life, then it really doesn’t make sense to open up about it to anyone. It is no one’s business what goes on behind closed doors. However, in the last few months, our experiences have shifted our views. Is it so wrong to be out to dinner with someone else? What if we get caught? What difference does it make? We aren’t cheating. We aren’t doing anything harmful. So long as we are ok with it, it really makes none at all.

Going forward the intent is to share more about ourselves. We haven’t even touched the surface.

Some “friends” may get filtered out in the process, but those who remain and rise to the top will be the ones worth keeping.

So we now realize this blog was created for selfish reasons. Writing these words will help to discover those who are meaningful to us and we will surround ourselves with an abundance of love.

Perhaps one day, some confused person or persons may stumble upon this and find clarity through empathy. To see that there are many ways to love and live. They might realize the kink they hid wasn’t so unusual and there are many people who are the same and are unapologetic about it. Why do they get to not give a fuck? I want to stop giving a fuck too!

Now am I going to go out tomorrow and shout from the roof tops that we are swingers and my wife and I have sex with other people? No. We are just not there yet. We will share more and more here and slowly, perhaps we build the courage to tell others. Then we can stop caring, stop worrying, stop giving a fuck and just be us.

Hope yall stick around! Likely going to be a wild ride.

As always, if there is a topic you would like discussed or a question you have, please send it, we will try to respond or perhaps cover the question in an entry.

Thanks for reading!

When You Don’t Clique

Even in a lifestyle that claims to be accepting of all, there will always those who end up feeling left out or unwelcome. I hear it constantly. Sometimes it can be brought on by ourselves from failing to let go of our fears and insecurities. Other times we find ourselves standing on the outside of a circle or clique that seems impenetrable and we don’t really know why.

When a couple or even a single begin their journey in the LS, they may have high hopes and grand expectations of how things will go for them. Big plans to explore their sexuality, fulfill their deepest fantasies and cross off some of their naughty “fuck-it list.” In order to do this, first they must meet the right people!

There might be a struggle initially not knowing where or how to go about finding like-minded people for adult fun.

(If this is a problem for you check out our blog post on how to meet others, https://swingopen.wordpress.com/2019/09/23/swinger-sites-and-other-ways-to-meet-lifestyle-friends/ )

Once you meet some like-minded people, there tends to be a bit of a snowball effect. Especially if you start going to parties or Meet n Greets. You’ll quickly find the community is much bigger than you imagined but at the same time quite small depending on where you live.

There may be some groups that have been around for awhile and built quite the following. Every gathering will have fresh faces but there will always that core group of regulars. There always seems to be a bunch who all know each other and appear to have been friends since high school or somwthing. They cling to one and other at every event and even seem to spend the majority of their non-party time together.

This can be extremely intimidating for newcomers. That’s one thing that makes Meet n Greets less appealing to us. It seems to just turn into a group of friends hanging out, it becomes less of a swingers meet up and more like your basic Saturday night bar hop with college buddies.

Another thing a newbie may encounter is a lack of connection once the party atmosphere has ended. Say you go to a party, you might hit it off really well with a few couples. Even perhaps get a bit entangled with someone but when the party’s over, never hear from them to hang out on the weekend or go have brunch with a group.

There seems to be different levels as well. There are the hottest, highly attractive who kind of stick together, the bottom rung who maybe aren’t as attractive but still lots of fun who also form their own clique. Then there are people who kind of fall in the middle.

We could be wrong, but we feel like that is us. The middle class, floaters. We seem to mingle with people in all levels but never feel fully at home in any faction of the group. Sort of like the misfits on the island of misfit toys. We can be fun to hang with at the parties but never quite make it to the the inner circle. And that’s okay. We never really got into all this to make best friends. It seems a lot of people have done that. They have to feel connected all the time and part of a group.

The thing is once these “groups” form then the drama begins. We try to make it a point to keep clear of drama at all costs. Although this year we have seen our share of it. When these cliques and groups come together, someone is always left out. There is often some kind of falling out within the group for whatever reason which causes unnecessary turmoil. Many events become a high school reunion rather than a fantasy experience.  Who needs that?

But what can be done?

Sometimes it just is what it is. People are naturally drawn together for all kinds of reasons.

According to a Kidshealth.org article from July 2018 reviewed by Kathryn Hoffses, PhD;  https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/cliques.html?view=ptr&WT.ac=t-ptr

“Cliques attract people for different reasons: For some people, being popular or cool is the most important thing, and cliques give them a place where they can get this social status. Other people want to be in cliques because they don’t like to feel left out.”

The funny thing is, this article was written for Teens.

We once had someone tell us that if we are having a good time meeting couples and going on dates then we should skip the parties and Meet n Greets.

They said, “It’s like high school again!”

That kind of stuck with us. It does seem that way at times. We aren’t in the largest city in the U.S. and you quickly find out just how small the community is. As mentioned we often see many of the same people at these events. Many are just there for the drinks. Sometimes we wonder if certain people even ever play or if they are literally just there for the atmosphere. Every couple has their own dynamic. Everyone has their standards and boundaries, so that could be a real possibility.

So, what can you do? Best advice we can give is just be you! I know it sounds cliché but honestly, it is the only thing you can do. You can’t control who wants to be your friend but you can control how you feel about yourself. When you go to events, try to look your best! Always dress to impress. We notice that is definitely an issue for men. There are so many that don’t even seem to try. Maybe their wife or SO is very sexy. Therefore, she becomes the focal point of their attraction. Then they become sort of one dimensional as a couple. Men in general just need to simply step up their game when it comes to fashion. Some of them show up to these events looking like they just rolled out of bed or left the gym and came straight over. It’s great that your wife looks so amazing’ so first question that comes to mind is, “Do you play separate”?

There is always an exception to everything of course. We have met some of the most down to earth, attractive people in the LS as well. People, who in high school probably wouldn’t have even looked at us but now make us feel like we are part of something amazing and even have mindblowing sexual experiences with.

As a couple we try to talk to anyone and everyone. You really never know where it may lead. Maybe they aren’t a sexual match but could be amazing people and having more friends is never a bad thing. You don’t have to have sex with everyone you meet. 

Ha, “We don’t have to have sex with everyone we meet.” I have to remind myself of that from time to time.

So, next time you are at a party or event, just put yourself out there. Talk to people. Be in the moment. Don’t get stagnant and stuck with one group or another. Make a sincere effort to reach out to people you haven’t talked to before. If at a party or meet, perhaps make it a point to meet 3-5 new people even if you spend most of your night with a certain group or hiding in the corner. Trust me, they are just as nervous as you are. You came all this way to fulfill you’re fantasies. Take that next step. Say hello to someone and don’t forget to smile!

We are in an amazing place these days. So much is happening in 2021.

If you have something you want covered or if there are any questions you have, please send us an email! Thanks for reading!

  

Swinging and Politics Don’t Mix

Wow, what a hell of a year it’s been!

We know it’s been awhile. As we’ve said before, we are terrible at follow up.

There really hasn’t been much to follow up on this year. Besides the global pandemic, there has not been any swinging to write about. Lily has been working from home now, along with me. It’s great to spend the days together. Lunch time workouts together, little check-ins throughout the day, and even better, sometimes having each other for lunch! If you know what I’m saying.😜

This year has brought on so many stressors for everyone, or magnified ones that likely already existed. Friends of ours have gotten divorced. Some swingers have realized, without the events, meet ups, and parties, their life with their significant other doesn’t mesh as well as it should or is just not that exciting. It’s very unfortunate, but stressful events will definitely bring to light the most difficult issues in relationships.

Also, there is a presidential election this year.

We try to avoid drama at all cost when it comes to the lifestyle. We’ve seen posts turn in to ugly battles between people who we thought were friends. Whether its drama caused by a couple or an outside element like politics, it’s still drama and there is no room for it in the lifestyle.

We simply steer clear of these conversations and we urge others to do the same. It’s just not worth it. No one is going to change anyone else’s mind arguing through Facebook or Twitter. To be honest, it’s just not that sexy.

So many socially appropriate behaviors we were raised on, go out the window when it comes to politics. People didn’t use to talk so openly about their political beliefs. You kept your mouth shut and just voted. It didn’t matter so much what others thought.

Maybe we are wrong. Maybe we were young and naive. However, there is definitely something to be said about the changes in communication over the years. The ability to connect with others through multiple platforms across the world with Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, or even on Swinger Sites, has allowed for instant communication. Unfortunately, it takes away the face to face aspect and people seem to lose their filter or they become brave enough to say the things they typically would not say in person.

This happens with Swingers too. You might chat with a couple and have fun conversations in Kik or Facebook messenger. You probably begin to build up a persona in your mind about these people, even of you have yet to meet. Then you meet and they are completely different than expected.

I know we’ve done this.

We chatted back and forth with a couple for a bit. Exchanging flirtatious remarks and photos with each other. We were excited to meet them and had created in our minds how hot the meeting would be. When we actually met them in person, so much about them was different from what we had pictured.

They were much more reserved and shy than expected. It was a surprise based on how open they were through our conversations. Their voices didn’t even match how we imagined they’d sound. It’s a funny thing to say, but it makes us feel somewhat bad for having perceived so much about people based on a few photos and emboldened conversations. But the mind seems to create an overall idea and expectation. It’s hard to avoid.

Unfortunately, that’s the way it is everywhere these days. People blocking or being blocked for snarky comments and angry politically charged internet battles. It’s sad.

We have a Facebook profile devoted to lifestyle events and the local community, so we can keep it separate from our vanilla world.

We use to get on that profile and see a feed full of sexiness, exciting, titillating conversations. Now we see people bickering over Trump and Biden. Well shit, that looks like our vanilla feed now! That’s no fun at all. But that’s where this year has gone. Between the pandemic and it being an election year, the anger and nastiness has been amplified to a point where it is beginning to drown out the light moments we hope to share.

We even heard of someone we know, who decided to take it upon themselves to out a couple to their vanilla community, just because they supported a different political party. That’s too far! There is simply no reason for it and no place for it in the lifestyle.

We never discuss politics at any event, meet up, date or encounter. It should be a political free zone.

Quite honestly, not bringing it up is the smartest thing for anyone. You risk alienating yourself, depending on what the majority of the community beliefs are. You’ll certainly be passed over by someone who may have been an extremely satisfying and intense sexual experience because you don’t have the same political ideals. You are limiting your own field and narrowing your options. So we say leave it out.

Politics and the Lifestyle do not mix and quite frankly, some of you could use this idea of leaving it out of your vanilla world as well. Then again, toxic people don’t always change how they behave just because they are in one community or another. The drama and toxicity simply shifts to a new venue for them.

Whatever happens this year, stay calm, have a glass of wine, maybe smoke a bowl and get naked as often as you can. We hope all of you are safe and well.

If you enjoy our little blog please share it with your friends and be sure to follow, incase we feel creative or actually have a moment to write. Please feel free to message us if there are any questions or topics you would like to read about in relation to the Lifestyle.

Until next time! Stay sexy and keep swingin!

To Kiss or Not to Kiss

There have been many conversations amongst LS acquaintances of ours about kissing. Some feel it’s too intimate, like Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman”. They will give all of themselves to someone else but the lips are only for the one who they love. Others crave the sexual tension kissing builds and the connection it gives them with another person. It makes them feel wanted, sexy, and allows them to feel the chemistry they need to take it to the next level.

Some argue that if you can have sex with someone who is not your significant other then you sure as hell should have no issue having a steamy make-out session. After all it is a vital part of foreplay, isn’t it?

According to Bitishcouncil.org;

“The dopamine released during a kiss can stimulate the same area of the brain activated by heroin and cocaine. As a result, we experience feelings of euphoria and addictive behaviour. Oxytocin, otherwise known as the ‘love hormone’, fosters feelings of affection and attachment.”

https://www.britishcouncil.org/voices-magazine/kiss-science-smooching

Given this is what kissing can do to a person it makes perfect sense why some couples have reason to keep kissing to themselves. Though most we find in the LS have no ill intentions of taking your mate away and brush kissing off as a form of greeting among other like-minded people. Still it can give you pause with the realization of how strong it can effect you emotionally.

So just how do some people even allow kissing to be on the table in an non-monogamous way without fear of destroying their own home?

This is such an individualized thing. To have entered this lifestyle in the first place a couple must already have an extreme eternal trust. Lily and I have built a strong deep trust over the years. We tell each other everything. There should be no secrets between a lifestyle couple.  Or any couple for that matter. These experiences shared are not about one-upping or sneaking a quickie with someone else without your partner knowing. To us anyway, it’s all about experiencing it all together. There has to be a certain level of maturity and self awareness in order to make any of this work.

We have encountered couples who don’t kiss on two occasions now. Surprisingly both were at LifeinStyleSTL Parties like the one we talk about in LifeinSTyle Hotel Takeover Part 1.

It is paramount to discuss your rules and be sure about what you as a couple will allow before any play. This alleviates any misunderstandings. Others should understand and respect those boundaries as they expect you to respect theirs.

Dinner before meet n greet. We drank the whole bottle.

Personally, we love kissing! We love the affection and the closeness. Yes, it is intimate but so is oral. We don’t have rules against kissing at all other than making sure the other is in agreement with who we are kissing.

At a recent meet n greet I was kissed by two different women at separate times throughout the evening. Lily became slightly upset with me. Especially with the second one. We had some pretty intense kissing right next to her at the bar and I think she felt left out. I didn’t think anything of it but it really bothered her. It may have been more that we drank a whole bottle of wine before going out and her tipsy emotions got the best of her. She was done with the night and ready to go. It was a bit frustrating since there were so many people there we had been wanting to meet for a long time. Instead we found ourselves calling an Uber at 10:30 and she went silent for the rest of the evening.

In hindsight I should have checked in with her before enjoying the lips of another and that was my error and lesson learned. Even though we are a couple who enjoys kissing it clearly can spark a bit of an uncomfortable situation if not discussed and agreed upon before.

Kissing is intimate, it’s exhilarating, exciting, and oh so sexy! It can however bring up feelings in some people that may be unexpected whether you are the one kissing, being kissed, or witness to your significant other kissing. You as a couple must be honest and have a serious conversation if kissing is something you will allow or if you will keep it for yourselves.

Tell us what you think! Are you a kissing couple? Do you share your lips or are they sealed from the lifestyle? There is no one way in the LS.

Thanks for coming back to read our thoughts and experiences. If you have any questions that come up please do not hesitate to contact us. If there is something you would like discussed let us know and we are happy to see how we may tackle it! If you enjoy the content please be sure to like, subscribe and share with others! Kisses! 😘

LifeinSTyle Hotel Takeover Part 1

Holy shit! What a night! So many sexy people and not nearly enough time. We attended our first hotel takeover and it was out-fucking-standing!!

We found out about this party on C4P.com. If you are not a member of C4P we definitely recommend you become one.

We were actually supposed to go to a different hotel takeover that our friends from Do you drink and swing? offered to share their room but after talking to the hosts of LifeinStyle and others on twitter who have attended their parties in the past, we thought this was one we had to be at! It also would push us out of our comfort zone a bit which is a must for any couple exploring the LS.

Unfortunately we made the decision to go a little too late so there were no available rooms left at the hotel and we had to settle for the motel 3 miles away. Next time we will be sure to get in on the rooms early!

We can’t say enough good things about the hosts! We had been talking to Vinny and Sabine on twitter recently and they were so helpful in getting us all set up to be at the party. They promised it would be a great time and they did NOT disappoint.

The festivities took place at a Spa Hotel and everyone was to come dressed for a pool party. Lily spent weeks going back and forth on what she would wear. She bought a sexy black one piece but as always began to question her choice so she bought some bikini bottoms also and a see through black cover up. I thought both were sexy.

We were so excited the week leading up to it. Just seeing some of the hot couples who were going to be there on the attendance list had us charged up! It seemed as if the weekend would never arrive.

We spoke to a few other attendees trying to spark up a possibility or just to get to know people we could talk to once we were there. As mentioned this would be a major step out of our comfort zone. It is always exciting to challenge ourselves to make new connections.

The day finally arrive. Our kids were going to their grandma’s for the night. We told them we got a hotel near our house just for a night out to celebrate our 14 year anniversary. We had the car packed and headed out about an hour later than we wanted to. We didn’t want to get to the party first but we did want to get there somewhat early. Plus we still had to go to our hotel room to get ready before.

We made it to the hotel at around 3:30 pm and got settled in. The room was acceptable but certainly no Hilton. There didn’t seem to be many people there and we began to wonder if we were the only ones at the motel and not the main spa hotel the party was to be at.

We unpacked and threw on some music while we took showers and groomed to try to look our best for the party. I had the easy job only having to wear a swimsuit and a t-shirt while Lily settled on starting out in the black one piece. Wish I had remembered to take pictures!

All cleaned up and trying to look our best we were ready to head over. There was a shuttle offered which was wonderful to help avoid drinking and driving. We decided to just drive ourselves over figuring not to get too drunk anyway. We didn’t want a repeat of what happened in Do you drink and swing?

We arrived at the venue. Located in a small town in Southern Illinois the Spa Hotel was an older building that appeared to be prime for big events like weddings. Again it seemed dead in the little town though and we questioned if we were in the right place but seeing another couple, walking up with their “swinger bag” in tow and looking a little confused alike us, we knew it had to be the spot.

We walked up the old stairs to a double door which took a few yanks to pry open. As we entered the main lobby it was clear we were definitely in the right spot. Standing at the table was a sexy black vixen. At first she was unable to find our name. I thought the guy standing next to her may have been Vinny but he said he was not. Let’s call them Adam and Kate. Adam is tall muscular guy with a beard. Lily has a thing for him I think. Kate is a gorgeous exotic looking woman with sultry eyes, a beautiful smile and a sexy body. After looking it over they realized we were on the “other” list. We weren’t sure what that meant and thought maybe we were in a special group but later found out it just meant we weren’t staying at the hotel.

After getting checked in and getting our wristbands they told us where to go. Just down the hall around the corner opened into a large indoor pool courtyard area. There was a restaurant to one side and rooms overlooking the pool. On the far side of the pool they had a bar stand set up serving just about any cocktail you would need. The staff was so friendly and attentive. We immediately went to get a drink. They had specials on pinacoladas so we grab one of those. It was about 4:30 or 5 at this point. The drinks were very strong and went down pretty easy so we had to pace ourselves.

At first we sipped our drinks glancing around at the couples. Little groups seemed to be forming. Many people already knew each other. Just then we recognized Vinny from his tattoos and he noticed us as well. He was just as friendly and outgoing in person as he had been on twitter. He let us know where we could put our bag and gave us a little run down of the evening but had to get back to host duties.

We walked into the pool area with our drinks and noticed another couple we had been talking to on twitter. These two had highly recommended the Lifeinstyle parties. They listen to many of the same LS podcasts we do. We approached them to say hello and introduce ourselves. They were involved in a game of cards against humanities. They had a couple of friends from Florida with them. It was amazing how far people came for this party. They were friendly and cordial. We had wanted to meet them since we had talked a bit. Not necessarily as a couple to play with though we certainly wouldn’t turn down the invitation. We didn’t want to be intrusive but asked if we could join their group and sit down. In retrospect we wish we hadn’t done that because there was a slight awkward moment where it didn’t seem we were welcome. I think they only had a short amount of time with their out-of-town friends so they didn’t want to waste it. Which totally makes sense. Either way we felt a little out-of-place for a moment.

We exchanged a bit of small talk and were relieved when more couples began to show up. There was a super sexy couple John and Liz. Liz was covered in glitter and rubbing it off on anyone and anything she touched. John was very friendly, outgoing, and as I called him later a bit of an instigator. In a good way though. They definitely knew how to party. Lily mentioned several times to me how she thought Liz was “fucking hot”. She definitely was.

The conversation and drinks were flowing. We began to feel a little more at ease since Liz and John were so outgoing. Also by this point Kate and Adam had shown up and they apparently were close friends of theirs. We felt this was the group we had to get to know. Liz asked if anyone wanted to smoke some weed. I was totally down for that. We all went back to their room, Kate and Adam, Liz and John, and Lily and I.

We smoked a bit and had more good conversation. As I said they already knew each other quite well. Next thing we knew Kate and Liz were walking around topless which we did not mind at all! They both had gorgeous breasts and sexy bodies. I forget how it happened but Kate gave a suck on Liz’s nipples and someone suggested Lily have a taste of the other. She was happy to oblige. Such a hot scene as Liz stood with a sexy lady licking on each nipple. John and Adam pointed out that Lily was the only one who still had her top on. Everyone wanted that to change. There was some teasing and negotiating to get her to show more. Lily loved the attention but always plays hard to get. Finally she gave in and flashed her beautiful breasts.

After a bit more smoking we finally all headed back out to the party and to get more drinks. Lily and I discussed getting some dinner but we didn’t want to miss anything. As we sat by the pool we noticed some of the party goers had taken their tops off and there were breasts on display everywhere. It was amazing!

We were told on the third floor there was a play room and also just down the hall was the a special room for a main event later, the “gang bang room”! We had already asked in the week leading up to the party if we could get entrance to watch. Lily was intrigued to see this live. I think she wants one herself if you ask me but just not ready for that level. We saw people going upstairs quite often and didn’t know if maybe people were already playing so we decided to adventure up ourselves and have a look at the playroom. Just before we headed up we made a stop at the restroom. As I waited in the hall for Lily I met this adorable little wide-eyed girl we have dubbed “The Pixie”. She has a gorgeous tattoo just below her breasts. Firm sexy ass and her energy is contagious. Turns out her and her boyfriend live near us. We met him later.

When we got to the third floor the room was easy to find. There were party lights flashing and dance music playing. We went in the room and there was an older couple sitting on a pull out bed. There was a chair in the corner facing the bed. To the left as you entered the room was a wet bar that ran the length of the wall. Turn the corner to the left was a hall leading to another bedroom and a bathroom with a Jacuzzi tub.

Adam and John had showed up in the room or perhaps they were already there. They are both very forward and would put their arms around Lily. I think they were trying to test her limits. The older woman on the bed was pretty drunk. We made small talk about the party but it quickly turned little frisky. Adam tried to tie Lily’s hands behind her back with a washcloth but it was too short. I stepped in behind to try to help hold her hands back. She didn’t fight it much and I could tell she was really enjoying the attention from us three. She laughed with giddiness. She could have been taken right there by three men and would have loved it. She has had two plenty of times but has not ventured past that though I know she wants to. While holding her back I was going to suggest grabbing the pillow case off one of the pillows as I heard that works well but at that moment the chair behind her moved causing her to fall back and releasing her.

Lily went to the bed and picked the mask up asking what it was for. The lady on the bed told her to put it on and lay down so she could show her. Lily either naive or just wanting to play along did what she was told. The blond woman immediately spread Lily’s legs saying, “Come here you little bitch”!

She then buried her face between them as she went down on Lily. Lily was a little mesmerized as she had her pussy eaten by a complete stranger. The older lady was clearly very drunk but I think Lily enjoyed the free pussy licking. After a few minutes with us all watching the excitement Lily was allowed to get up.

We thought it was time to head back downstairs to finally get something to eat. We headed into the restaurant. The great thing about this party is everyone everywhere was part of the group. The only non-lifestyle people were the staff. Though even they may have been. We kept our meal light with sandwiches and water because we needed to sober up a little. It was still early after all.

The tables were all decorated with these cute pineapples! The atmosphere everywhere was welcoming. We had such a great time. The food was tasty too and just what we needed to get a bit of soberness back.

Make sure to check back for part 2. We will talk about the sexy experience we had with the pixie and her man. Also we will cover the grand finale of the evening, Sabine’s gang bang! Don’t miss out on the details. This party was insane! Getting excited for their upcoming Halloween Party

Party Like it’s 1999

Getting back to how it began I want to cover more about our friend, Chris.  I have talked about him in previous posts like Back in the Day .  He became our third for quite some time.

Chris, still one of my best friends today, is a tall blonde hair blue eyed good ol’ country boy basically.  He has always been a great friend who has been there for me countless times.

After the experience we shared with him, briefly highlighted in the post about Retribution , things didn’t change in our friendship.  I trusted him like a brother and this experience had only strengthened that bond. Most people would get jealous and I think at first I had a tinge of jealousy at moments but it was all washed away when I was able to reclaim Lily as my own.

We were doing all sorts of experimenting back then.  We were heavy pot smokers, obviously loved Ecstacy and would do LSD pretty often.  Chris was part of our group and was almost always there.  He lived down the street from me too so we hung out nearly every day.

I graduated from High School in 1999.  Our class motto, “Save the Best For Last”!  I was not a fan of school, always did just enough to not fail.  I believed I was destined for something bigger and better.  I couldn’t wait to get out into the real world.

Another friend of ours we shall call Ryan, was putting together a New Year’s Party.  It was going to be at his house on December 31, 1999.  The party was dubbed “Rollinium” we would roll into the new year! He even had a banner made and hung it in the living room.

We had a few dealers for E at that point.  They would even roll with us from time to time.  For this party our dealer was Jerod.  Jerod, did stay and take pills with us.

All our closest friends were there.  We took the pills as the evening began. They always take a bit of time to kick in.  Anywhere from 30 Minutes to an hour.  Once they do there is a rush of warmth that rolls through you.  Once that happened the people in the house split up.  There were some who liked to just sit and ride it out and others would be all over.  We liked being by the music to feel the bass buzz through our bodies.

Ryan had a narrow steep carpeted stairway that led to the basement.  At the bottom of the steps there was his bedroom to the right and another room to the left.  Lily and I went to the left to be by the stereo.  I think there may have been a black light as well but I don’t recall exactly.  Jerod was in there and possibly someone else but the lights were low.  Lily sat on the floor in front of me and removed her shirt releasing her sexy black laced bra. It was common for the girls to walk around in their bras because the ecstasy makes you warm.

I sat behind Lily gently massaging her shoulders trying to help her roll begin.  She was facing Jerod and we were all talking about something we thought was important at the time. Lily began to slur her words and become more relaxed leaning back against me. It appeared the pills were good! As I rubbed Lily’s back I slid my hands up and down her shoulders in gentle strokes.  I began to massage the sides of her breast.  We were clearly all feeling it at that point as my hand slid back and popped her bra clasp.  She let the bra fall to her lap as her beautiful perky breast were on full display for us.  We carried on conversation as if nothing had happened.

I think Jerod became a little uncomfortable.  He had known Lily a bit longer that I had because they went to school together.  He decided to leave us to each other.  We had no intentions of including him in anything and he really didn’t know we were into sharing I don’t think. We just made him a bit nervous or who knows what?

By this time the pills were really working.  Lily was so horny and ready to go. Chris had joined us for a few naughty experience before that night and had become somewhat of a normal third.

I let Chris know he was welcome to join us in the basement bedroom.  I also asked Ryan and he was a little interested but was the host so didn’t want to leave the room. Lily had a blow job experience with Ryan the last time we had rolled where we both came on her tits.  She was embarrassed after it happened because we hadn’t really done anything like that before. By this time though she was well over those insecurities. After-all we were just having fun.

I don’t know how long I had been upstairs but when I returned to the basement bedroom the scene I walked into was amazing.  Lily was on the bed laying down with her legs spread wide.  Chris had his face buried in her pussy licking and sucking.

She noticed me enter the room and said, “I hope this is okay.  You were taking awhile and I’m so horny”

Of course it was okay! It is exactly what I had hoped to see.  I walked over to her pulled out my cock, grabbed the back of her head and stuffed her mouth.  Her moans from Chris sent vibrations that stimulated me even more.  Chris stood up to fuck her but instead Lily jumped up and ran to the bathroom.  She became nauseous, as is an occasional side effect of the pills.  Unfortunately this killed the momentum for us and we were not able to continue.  Besides Lily had to get home.  We drove her back to her house and Chris came along for the ride.

The fun would have to wait until next time.

When this post is published we will be days away from our first hotel takeover! We are so excited and nervous.  Definitely out of our comfort zone.  Lily is stressing out a little on what to wear.  The party is at a spa and the attire is swimwear.  She mainly has “mom” swimwear these days so she has had to grab some last minute accessories. Just hope they make it here in time.  

We will pick up with more adventures with Chris in the future.  There were many, even my first Bi experience.  I would not identify as a Bi-male.  It is not something I look for but in the heat of the moment things sometimes happen and sexual adrenaline is hot!

Thank you for reading.  If you have comments or questions please let me know.  Please follow and share as well! Till next time! 

 

 

 

 

 

Retribution

After I was caught cheating it seemed our relationship would come to a halt. Lily had lost all trust in me. She’d call me a cheater and a liar.

She would say, “Once a cheater always a cheater!”

But somehow I  convinced her to give me a second chance. I had to prove myself. She felt even though what I did was awful and inexcusable, why should someone else get to be with me? Deep down she still wanted the relationship to work. We were only teenagers and trying to make a life long relationship out of highschool sweethearts was a far-fetched fantasy but we didn’t care. After all we were in love. As much as she despised what I did she loved me anyways and I loved her just as much. True unconditional love! I would do anything to keep the relationship going and soon I would have the opportunity to prove it.

Back in the late 90’s ecstasy was huge! One of my brothers and his girlfriend (now wife) introduced it to us. We were already smoking pot daily and had the occasional LSD adventure. We figured, why not!?

Ecstasy magnifies the senses. Every touch feels amazing. Love becomes more intense than ever imagined. The crash is awful but the high is glorious and the sex on it is phenomenal. Just once and we were hooked. We planned to do it again very soon.

We would get our pills from a friend of my brothers, Jake. He’d DJ at local clubs and had a gorgeous blond girlfriend (now his wife) Amelia who simply spewed sexuality. She always reminded me of a young Pamela Anderson. Complete with the large breast, long flowing blond hair, perfect legs and eyes that said, “Fuck me” all day long. Jake and my brother were best friends so he was over at our house all the time.

Our parents would be going out-of-town to visit our oldest brother at college so we were all planned a party. Jake would bring his DJ equipment and set it up in the basement and we would roll the night away.

I had been talking to Jake about my issues with Lily and how I had been caught cheating. I believe he was the one who had brought up the idea to let her sleep with someone else so then we’d be even and could move on. Thinking back on it that was a possibly a pretty sly move to get to sleep with my girlfriend. He mentioned how he and Amelia had swapped with another couple in the past and how hot it was.

Orgies, gang bangs, and swapping has always been my favorite categories of porn. Since porn was not as readily available on the internet back then as it is today watching it was a bit more difficult. Reading it however I’d discover was just as hot. I would find stories on sites like Literotica.com and print them off to read while masturbating. I was always turned on by stories of promiscuous women imagining I was the man having to watch his wife or girlfriend turned into a cock drunk slut right in front of him. Little did I know I was about to experience it first hand.

The more of these stories I read the more I thought I could totally handle her fucking another man. In fact I wanted her to and I wanted to see it happen! I told Lily about my conversation with Jake and what he and Amelia had done in the past. Jake was older than us by a few years and very much an Alpha male. Lily did not hesitate in accepting the offer. She would fuck him to get retribution and that would restore our relationship.

The next time I spoke to Jake we were in the garage at my house. That was our hangout spot. We could smoke cigarettes out there or weed. There was a TV in the corner and a stereo. I brought up the conversation Jake and I had previously. I was nervous as I asked him if he would fuck Lily. I explained that we had discussed it and we wanted this to happen but she wanted it to be with him. Of course he agreed. In those days Lily was a petite little thing with a body of a dancer. She had long brown hair and sultry brown eyes. Her legs were smooth, her ass was firm, and her tits were perfectly perky. Who wouldn’t say yes to fucking her? We planned to make it happen at the house party we were having in a couple of weeks.

Waiting for that weekend to come was a mixture of nervousness and excitement but I was more sexually charged than ever. My girlfriend who had only ever been with me was about fuck another guy. Also she had decided she was going to make me watch as the ultimate punishment.

We would talk about it when we had sex. She would tell me how she was going to let him use her like a whore in front of me. Saying things like that would only make me thrust harder and cum pretty fast. More and more I felt this experience was going to be life changing and it definitely was.

On the night of the party everyone was there. Jake came by to drop off the pills and said Amelia would arrive later. Chris who I talked about in the first blog was there with his new girlfriend.  She was a bit more innocent and did not even smoke pot.  We had to pretend we were just drinking because then Chris wouldn’t get in a fight with her.

We took our pills and settled in for a fun night anticipating what was to come.  Once the pills began kick in the touching and massaging started.  Jake offered to “Blow Lily up” He told me to stand behind her and massage her back as he simultaneously massaged her from the front and blew through a Vicks inhaler all over her face and body.  She removed her shirt so she could feel it more.  His hands began to rub all over as I watched him caress her breast and massage her nipples.  She was getting so turned on by this.  He could have owned her right there and fucked her in front of everyone if he wanted. She was melting between the two of us. Watching her become so aroused from being touched by two men was exhilarating!  Her eyes closed as her body moved in time with our massages.  Her nipples fully erect and urging to be stimulated.  It was amazing.

After he finished and the ecstasy roll had fully taken hold she sat back against me as I continued to run my fingers lightly up and down her arms.  She whispered she was ready.

Amelia had arrived around that time and Jake had explained everything to her.  She was looking hot as always and was to my surprise totally down with the plan to let Lily get fucked by Jake.  We discussed turning it into a foursome but Lily said that I didn’t get to have sex because it was her turn to get back at me for cheating.

We all snuck off to my bedroom and met there trying not to draw attention to ourselves from the other’s at the party.  When I walked in Jake already has his hands all over Lily. He was rubbing her body and massaging her breast.  I knew by the look on her face her pussy was extremely wet and she was ready to fuck.  She had always been interested in girls and Amelia was absolutely Bi.  Jake told them to kiss.  Amelia took over the massaging.  They rubbed and moved their bodies together as they kissed.  Lily was nervous as she explored another girl for the first time.

The room was a large rectangle with a couch that ran along one side under a double set of windows and a twin bed in the far corner.  Amelia laid Lily on the bed and began to kiss and lick her way down her body running her hands all over her breast and nipples.  I laid at the head of the bed with a front row seat.  It was one of the hottest things I’d ever seen.  Amelia began to lick and suck at Lily’s pussy. She let out a long exhale.  Amelia had clearly done this before.  She continued to rub her hands up her thighs and flicked her tongue across her clit. Lily’s breathing picked up tempo as she felt the sensual touch of another girl for the first time.  Amelia sat back giving Jake a view of her perfect plump ass and soft white skin as she was kneeling at the foot of my bed.  In awe I sat gently stroking my cock.  Amelia rubbed Lily’s pussy in quick circular motions.  This turned her breathing into soft moans of pleasure.

Finally, Amelia stood up and laid on the bed asking Lily to return the favor.  Amelia spread her legs showing her tight little pussy which was just as wet as Lily’s.  Lily was extremely nervous about this.  She had never gone down on a girl before and was a bit hesitant.  After all this was unexpected and not what she was originally here for.  She began to lick Amelia.  Amelia grabbed the back of Lily’s head pushing her face in.  Force feeding her clit to her.  Shortly into it however, Lily broke free awkwardly uncomfortable with what she had done.

Lily went to Jake and began to kiss him.  Meanwhile Amelia laid down on the bed next to me and took my hand rubbing herself with it.  She slid my hand down her body to show me how wet she was.  Lily reminded that I could not fuck anyone.  I was only allowed to watch!

She was stroking Jake’s cock and kissing him deeply.  I was in a bit of a trance watching.  I couldn’t tell if it was the ecstasy allowing me to be ok with it all or just that it was so hot to see her this way.  Soon she dropped to her knees and was face to face with Jake’s cock.  He penis was thick and decent size. She opened her mouth and wrapped her lips around the tip doing circles with her tongue.  Lily had always gave amazing at blow jobs and being this was her first time with another man I think she was trying to impress him. I watched my girlfriend’s head slowly bob up and down as she sucked him off.  Amelia was rubbing my balls and began to suck my cock but unfortunately one of the side effects of ecstasy is that sometimes the equipment doesn’t work all that well. One of the hottest girls I’d ever seen naked was trying to give me a blow job and sadly I could not get hard.  She totally understood since they rolled often and told me not to worry about it.

Amelia continued stroking me as Jake now was gripping Lily’s hair and fucking her sweet innocent little face.

When she was let up for air she looked up at him and said, “Fuck me”.

That was all Jake needed to hear.  The time had come.  Lily was about to take another man for the first time.  He laid her on the floor in missionary.  Lily spread her legs without hesitation and intense lust in her eyes as he lowered himself on top of her.  She was so wet at this point his penis split her pussy lips with ease.

I could not take my eyes off her.  Amelia, the extremely sexy Pamela Anderson look-a-like was rubbing my cock but all my focus was on Lily.

She quickly became lost in the new cock that had entered her.  She didn’t seem to care what else was happening.  As his pace quickened her lust turned in to pure animalistic behaviour.  He lifted her legs up placing one on each shoulder and began to pound her.  She grunted every time his balls slap against her ass as his cock went deeper and deeper.  She looked at me as she held onto his arms getting fucked harder than she ever has.  Her eyes were glazed over from a mixture of drugs and sex.  She was becoming a true slut right before my eyes and we were both turned on by it.

As she stared at me she grunted, “Are you watching him fuck me?  This is what you get for cheating on me! This is how I want to be fucked!”

The slapping of skin went on and on until finally he pull out and came a huge load all over her stomach.

It was over and I was intensely aroused but still couldn’t even get hard.  She cleaned up and came to me on the bed and we held each other lying naked as we continued to rub our bodies together.

This amazing experience was the beginning for us and we wanted more! The whole time it was happening Chris had tried a few times to come in the room but we had said no because we didn’t want everyone knowing what was happening.  We all cleaned up and left the room.  There was a strong smell of sex in the air and anyone who went in that room had to know someone had been fucked.  We were so naive to think everyone in the house didn’t hear the skin smacking and Lily’s grunts and moans.  Chris wanted in on it too and Lily wanted more cock.

By this time it was early in the morning but she was still in a lust haze when she told me to have Chris meet us in the bedroom.  He accepted and my best friend and I used my new-found whore for hours like a sex doll.  He would become the third in many adventures going forward.

 

Please comment or message us if you have any questions or even suggestions about topics you may want to hear about.  We may jump ahead a bit and come back to our experiences with Chris another time.  We hope you enjoy our blog.  All stories are true. The only changes made have been the names of the people in them.  We would love and appreciate any feedback.  Also please share and help us reach a larger audience.  Thank you so much for reading! 

 

 

We Can’t Go Back

How can we? How can any couple, bluefish, or unicorn for that matter, create a life of intensely erotic escapades, fulfilling their deepest desires, through wild sexual adventures, simply, walk away?

We see it all the time. Recently, a couple, I think for the second time since we’ve known them, made a post stating, “We are leaving the Lifestyle!”

But can they? Of course, it is completely their prerogative and there could be a million reasons why they are taking a step back. Don’t get me wrong, taking a break is fairly common in most LS journeys. Perhaps they stumbled upon emotions they, as a couple, were just not prepared to handle. Whatever the reason, it is always a good idea to step back, when needed, and reconnect with your primary partner, or even yourself. That being said, once this world is tapped into, how can anyone go completely back? 

Can you?

Completely?

I suppose it depends on how deep you have gone. How far down the rabbit hole have you fallen?

Personally, we struggle with even spending time with vanillas now. Hanging out at the neighborhood pool, listening to the dads drone on and on about 401k’s and the latest video games. Watching them gawk at neighborhood MILFs in bikini’s, knowing they will never touch another body outside of their marriage. Though even intamcy at home is rationed out as a cheap gift on special occasions. They make jokes about how they haven’t had a bj in years, but claim that it’s just part of marriage. It’s exhausting! I want to blurt out, “Not in my marriage!”

It’s just so difficult to be around. We can’t be ourselves. We must be a different version of ourselves anyway. Life is too short to spend it pretending to be someone you’re not. Just more of my “running out of fucks” journey, I suppose.

If you haven’t had the chance, be sure to check out my post on how I am giving up trying to please others or give in to social constructs. Maybe I was baked or just being pissy, but check it out! Running Out of Fucks

One thing we have learned from our recent poly relationships is, once you allow emotion in, it becomes even more difficult to walk away. Sex with someone you care about or share a strong bond with is far more satisfying than any gangbang orgy fuck fest you could attend. Unless you are really into those of course. We do not kink shame here!

Deeper connections become habitual and that becomes the new craving. Beyond sex, beyond kinks or fetishes. Love. It bonds people and gives more profound meaning to relationships. 

So, what happens when you try to leave all that behind?

In our experience, it’s causes friction in the primary relationship. Of course, this is going to be different for everyone, but a lot of times we see the same couples who announce their departure, come back months or even years later. Perhaps they felt a part of themselves missing.  Often one partner may be the driving force to leave the lifestyle behind, while the other never wanted it to end in the first place.

Perhaps the jealousy they faced was too much of a burden. Maybe they felt their partner’s attention shift and they didn’t like how it left them feeling.

Typically, when a new partner enters the picture, there is a dynamic change. There is a shift that is felt, even if the person who has created the shift doesn’t realize it. It can be as simple as, every day at lunchtime you’d receive a text from your partner but suddenly it happens later in the day, or less often. It’s that new relationship energy and it’s a bitch!  

Jealousy is an emotion. It sucks and can make you feel like you’re dying inside, but emotions are triggered by traumas which cause specific reactions from within. Heal the trauma, get to the root of the jealousy and it can be unlearned and controlled. We still have moments ourselves but are getting better at handling our own jealousy.

Jealousy is a fucked-up thing. Personally, it became less of an issue for me as I got older. I would share Lily with friends without a second thought, simply to see her lost in pleasure. Any jealousy issues that were shouting to me, were quickly muffled by the intense sexual afterglow we’d be in. However, when we entered a polyamorous situation, it brought the bitch out of me. I will admit. There were a lot of emotions that welled up in me that I had forgotten were even there.

If you’re unaware, Lily changed our dynamic completely in the beginning of the year, when she fell in love with someone else. She still loved me and didn’t want us to change, but she wanted to have this new boyfriend be a very important part of her life. She nearly cucked me into the situation and, at times in their relationship, she actually did dabble in cuck play. There was little I could do or say because she knew how much it turned me on. We realized it was an exciting new adventure for us and really played into the kink of it. We found it hot and exciting, and it ended up being the thing I’d focus on which helped me to adjust and feel confident that she still loved me and reassured me as we shared in these intense and passionate situations.

At first, when Lily decided she was going to have a boyfriend, I wasn’t too concerned. We had known him for a while before they took it to that level. He was always respectful and treated her good. I saw it like any other fwb for her. But when things turned emotional, I had to check myself pretty quick. It wasn’t easy at first. Not for either of us. Eventually I found someone just to prove I could and, I guess and my own separate relationship took off. But, when Lily’s relationship ended, she felt the jealousy and dynamic shift from me.

After listening to a couple podcasts, working with our therapist, lots of research, like reading The Ethical Slut, we were able to find the tools to deal with the jealousy or the alone moments. Now, instead of feeling uneasy when one of us goes out with someone, we focus on something in our moment. For example, I might use it as an opportunity to blog or play guitar or do just about anything to reconnect with myself. Lily might read or watch an awful dating “reality” show. You can never stop trying to discover yourself. Trust me, there are always new things you can learn. I am living proof of that this year!

The therapist we see is well versed in alternative relationships, ethical non-monogamy and an amazing source of knowledge on all sorts of kinks. If you can find a good therapist to guide you through this journey, we highly recommend it. Don’t go it alone. The tools are out there and available to you. Listen to podcasts that cover this stuff. Talk to friends who have gone through it. Read more blogs like ours. There are plenty of books that help to dive into the topic as well. Hell, message us! We love to chat with people, especially about LS related stuff!

One of my best sources and ear to bend was a mutual friend on Facebook. I reached out to her because I knew from her posts that she was in a polyamorous relationship and had been previously. She’s been a saint with my endless issues and all the questions I’d bother her with. She was so patient and understanding. She had been where I was at some point. Her and her boyfriend make it look so simple and seamless. He is married to another beautiful woman, but their relationships are separate. I believe it’s called a “V”. We are still learning all this. From the outside they look like they have it all together but what we don’t see is all the work that went in to get them to this point. This year they celebrated their one-year anniversary, and we wish them many more.

So, I ask…

again…

Can you go back?

The night I began writing this, Lily was out on a “dick date” as she called it. Their connection could go anywhere. It certainly has all the makings of a relationship beyond simply friends. They seem to like each other. He and I hit it off pretty well also which is always bonus points, because obviously Lily wants us to get along. She is being cautious, however. Her emotions are still pretty raw from the breakup with her ex. Her tolerance for men is dropping daily it seems.

She commented recently, a couple times, “Maybe I should just get a girlfriend!”

So, ladies if you’re reading this, take her out! Show her the fun a basic fuck boy never will.

I wonder if she could ever have a girlfriend. She certainly is attracted to women. She occasionally craves their soft touch and gentle kisses, but at the end of the day, she is all about cock. Let’s be real here. We are who we are.

One thing I’ve noticed is, her always meeting single men. Her and I have discussed this. Sure, there are some who are genuine and probably would make excellent boyfriends, but most of these single guys are single for a reason it seems. Either they don’t want to commit, or no one wants to commit to them. On the other hand, dating someone single has its benefits. Currently I am seeing someone, and we have nowhere to go if we want to be intimate. Both of us have families at home while we are out.

I also see a single girl as well. She is the same girl I left standing in the rain in front of a bar a few months ago. I know it sounds awful. I did offer a ride home. I also broke things off abruptly when we were at the bar, so I get why she didn’t want to get in a car with me. So, she waited for an Uber as I walked in the rain back to my car.

I had to do it. It was clear that nothing was going to work at that moment. Lily and I were not emotionally prepared for polyamory. It became painfully obvious to everyone involved at the time. If we didn’t put a stop to it all, things may have turned ugly. And she knew that. We all did.

Now, however, after several sessions with our amazing therapist, many meaningful conversations with each other, Lily and I are much better at managing these emotions.

We realized, and both admitted, we couldn’t go back to just being swingers. We’re definitely not going to be monogamous. We both enjoy this all too much and it fulfills a part of us that is needed.

Don’t get me wrong, with all the swinger events we attend, casual play is still a very big part of us. After all, we are sluts. But now we can delve deeper into passions and connections to allow for something more profound and real to be built.

My “Side Piece,” as she refers to herself as of late, has been amazing to spend time with since some burdens were lifted. We picked right up where we left off and things have been pretty great. We don’t have a label. Haven’t really discussed one too much this time. I don’t think there are any real expectations. We simply live in the moment. We see each other about once a week or when we can. We might go to a nice dinner and to a bar, or just have a peaceful evening at her place with a bottle of wine. Either way we always seem to enjoy our time together. Our focus is only on each other. Not work, not kids, not anything else. That is our time. That is how we try to approach connections with others now. We allow them to rise naturally to whatever they may become, and we put our focus in the moment as much as possible.

Now we really can’t go back. Once that emotional bridge is crossed, the bridge falls behind and you must be real, raw, and open to whatever comes. Find new ways to deal with emotions. If you’ve done the work and your primary foundation is strong, it can be amazing.

I remember my Facebook consigliere told me that “Couples privilege” sucks. I didn’t know what that meant right away. But now I totally get it. That single person, on the outside of the relationship is very real. They have emotions and needs like the rest of us. At the end of the day, they usually don’t go to sleep with the person they care about. They only get a small portion, but they learn to be content, and gracious. They deserve to have their voice recognized.

Things are much different now. We even went out for drinks, the three of us. Lily, side piece and me. What a surreal moment. My gorgeous wife to my left, an old fashioned in my hand, and my beautiful, “side piece,” to my right. We laughed and talked about everything. We were able to all find common ground. For starters, for God only knows why, they both want to spend time with me.

In awkward moments I was able to entertain them with my randomness. We had a good laugh at my expense as I dripped sauce down the front of my shirt from the fried pickles we shared. They found more common ground in their agreement on how clumsy and forgetful I can be. At one point, the discussion turned to how much weed I smoke. Things were getting out of hand! I thought I was about to have an intervention or something! We also talked about our children and how close they are in age. We hope to get everyone together soon. We could have a barbecue and let the kids run around. Things we never thought we would be comfortable with.

We will continue to follow this path. There are ups and downs and we will make a million mistakes, but Lily and I love who we’ve become. We are who we are, and we can’t go back.

This weekend we both have separate dates planned, so long as our kids don’t get us sick with their colds. I’m supposed to go to a concert with the side piece and Lily to a party with her boyfriend. So far, I am 0-1 on trying to make it to a concert this year. I had tickets go to waste after our kids got me sick just days before. By the time any of you read this, we should know whether I remained healthy and made it to the concert.

We appreciate all of you who take the time to read my ramblings. Please share your thoughts. Can you go back to vanilla life? Will you get to a point where you feel you are too old and it’s time to put the toys away?

If you made it this far you might as well subscribe because the adventures will continue! In fact, We just returned from National Swingers Weekend at Lake of the Ozarks, MO! Such an amazing time! We have so many stories and pictures to share, so you won’t want to miss out!

Thanks for reading!

National Swingers Weekend 2021 Lake of the Ozarks, Mo